I wasn’t sure whether I was a loving mother when I, at times, was crippled by fear of how I was mothered. I felt so heavy-hearted during these times by the thoughts of not being loved well as a child and fearing the worst—that I could be that way to my children. It left me paralyzed, not seeing the amazing ways that God was already loving through me.
My daughter is an especially cuddly, warm, and affection-craving child. She needs to receive hugs and kisses to feel loved. One specific morning she was desiring my attention and affection just as I was struggling with doubt and fear about the adequacy of what I had to give. In that moment, God opened my eyes to see that she already saw His love within me. Overcome with emotion, I became aware that He was loving through me because I had accepted His love.
I looked into her innocent blue eyes, confident she was feeling His love and that I was loved by Him. I didn’t have any fear or doubt in my ability to care for her because God’s love was fueling me from the inside out. I was an instrument for His love.
We are able to love without feeling hindered by fear or doubt because Jesus first loved us (1 John 4:19). He loves us so much and it’s a love that deeply fills every part of us. Jesus showed His love by sacrificing Himself on the cross. This truth is what truly opened my eyes. When you believe this truth, you can offer His love to others without fear too.
You can love well because Jesus loves you well. Allow Him to love through you by surrendering your past thoughts of how you were loved, letting go of your fears and doubts, and knowing that His love fills you so that you can pour out to others. When you keep these truths in your heart, you can offer His love to everyone at all times.
This is what fuels me to love my children. If you too have been crippled by fear, may we let the agape love of Jesus fuel us. Let’s not focus on the past, but rather how deeply we are loved by Him.
How can you be an instrument of God’s love?
About the Guest Author:
Nikki Evanson is a grateful follower and lover of Jesus Christ. She is a wife and mother of two beautiful children. She currently resides in Massachusetts where she is walking out the calling God has given her—sharing her story to help others and glorify His name.