God Can Use it All…Even the Insanity by Heather Bjur

by | Dec 22, 2022 | The Love Offering Guest Blog Series

I’ve wanted to become an author since the third grade, and in recent years have gotten more serious about it. The task often feels daunting – to write something “worth reading,” since no two people define worthiness the same way.  Ridiculous rules over what a Christian therapist “should” (or shouldn’t) write about rattle around my head until I throw up my hands in futility, leaving me to wonder if this writing life is worth the angst.


Recently a new thought has entered the mix: we writers are half insane. And the only reason I’ve been able to draw this conclusion is that after all my attempts at writing, I actually FEEL half insane. Or maybe more. I’m not sure how one measures sanity, or lack thereof. 


Sometimes words come to mind swiftly and I struggle to get them out fast enough. Most times, however, I question myself, doubting my ability to do anything well, find 17 reasons why I need new shoes from TJMaxx.com, and end up sitting on my couch reading another author’s words until I am brought back to myself again.


It sounds something like this, in my wacky, ADHD brain: “Could my words be unlocked from this self-made prison of self-doubt and self-criticism?” I really don’t know why anyone attempts this writing life, other than the fact that if we don’t, we might spontaneously combust. 


At least that’s what I imagine.


However, this truth is what urges me on: Keeping my words – my gifts – tucked quietly inside of my heart feels akin to keeping my love locked away in a closet. So I continue.  Even when I feel crazy.


The kind of writing I’ve always felt drawn to is also the kind that feels most emotionally illegal to me. As a licensed therapist, I was taught to keep my own story to myself, although I’ve always found that to be extremely difficult, and even counterintuitive much of the time. While I don’t share the blood and gore from my personal story with my clients, I regularly let them know they’re not alone in their pain. I can relate to nearly every person I have ever worked with, on some level. 


I had no aspirations of becoming a marriage and family therapist when I was young. In fact, I didn’t know the profession existed. Maybe it didn’t back then. Either way, I was fully invested in my aspirations to become principal French hornist in the New York Philharmonic. 


Yep. I was that kid. 


And then somewhere around the age of 19, in the fall of 1996, I discovered this Christianity thing, and it got a hold of me. I realized my self-centered goals and dreams weren’t going to jive with my new faith.  Never having been someone to do anything half-way, I leaped, face-first, into the Jesus life, only finishing my French horn degree so I could go to seminary.


I was so sure of myself.


Arrogant, really.


My counselor told me many years ago I remind him of Peter. At the time, I wasn’t sure how to take that. Peter was a passionate fool, in many ways. But – better a passionate fool than a dispassionate one, I suppose. Since then, I’ve warmed up to the comparison. 


What I keep coming back to is that someway, somehow, it seems that God uses this arrogant, independent, half-insane, word-loving girl for his purposes. I’m reminded of Romans 8:28:  “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (NIV) It really does mean all things; that’s the beauty of the Gospel. The redemptive, restorative, recreating, revolutionary Gospel. Jesus turned the world on its head, so why should we think we would be any different? 


Even if we feel a little crazy.



About the Author:

As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a Certified Spiritual Director, Heather is drawn to the depth and richness of the human soul. Words like desire, lament, connection, and restoration describe just a bit of the way she engages the world. Leaning heavily on the Holy Spirit, her heart is to come alongside those who have been wounded in relationships. She leads with curiosity, affirmation, and grace, as it is in the presence of these gifts that she found healing as well. On a constant quest for growth and maturity, Heather believes we can only take people where we’ve been. Heather is in private practice in Fargo, North Dakota where her therapeutic focus is freedom from codependency and emotional legalism. She lives in western Minnesota with her husband, Chris and her two boys, Elijah and Ezra.


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I’m Rachael Adams

I’m an author, speaker, and host of The Love Offering Podcast. My mission is to help women find significance and purpose throught Christ.

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