Softly muttering, slamming cabinets just a little too hard, moving a little too quickly, everything within me was churning with resentment and self-pity. Here I was again, holding everything together, keeping all the plates spinning, all the children fed, all the needs met. I just wanted this one night out, this one time to step away from it all and relax with some friends. I longed to laugh, listen, and be something more than a compilation of chores, duties, and work. But he could not make it home. He was apologetic, but surgeries don’t wait. Trauma doesn’t pause for a mom’s night out.
Do you worry that you’re messing up your kids? Do you get stressed when you think about their futures? Crystal Paine knows how you feel. A mom of four, Crystal has struggled with anxiety over parenting. She wanted to parent with grace, instead of a system of rules where kids are expected to do all the right things. She wanted to be a safe place for her children, and she definitely didn’t want to be remembered as the sort of mom who yelled, wounded her kids with words, or worse, cared more about her reputation than her kids’ hearts.
As Shakespeare once penned, the eyes are the window to the soul. Earlier still, the Bible calls the eyes the lamp of the body in Matthew 6:22-23. Our inner man peers out through our eyes, revealing the light we claim to walk in. When darkness clouds our vision, dimming the light, those who hold our gaze will see and feel its effects.
Today’s conversation is about doubt and hopelessness based on Nicki Koziarz’s new book Flooded: The 5 Best Decisions to Make When Life Is Hard and Doubt Is Rising. We pray through this episode you find biblical hope, quiet the fear, and discover peace in between the problem and the promise.
Though we often don’t understand God’s timing, He always has a plan to work for our good and His glory. Consider the story of Lazarus and his sisters, Mary and Martha.
“What would you say to the woman who feels like a misfit?” the woman interviewing me asked. As I considered the question, all the situations in which I’ve felt like an outcast or outsider flitted through my mind: as a young girl on the playground, as an awkward teen at the dance, as a college student in a new dorm, as a graduate entering the workforce, as a first-time mom secluded with a newborn, as a visitor to a new church, as a woman with convictions that differed from those of my peers, as a beginner in a career of seasoned veterans…
The first time I saw my husband, he had a black eye. My immediate thought was, He sure is cute, but I’ll bet he’s trouble. I better stay away from him. I imagine God getting a good chuckle from this first interaction. He knew what Bryan would mean to me in the future, but I didn’t.
“I am sorry. I am not going to make it,” read the text on my phone. A bit of anger rose up inside of me. “I am willing to give my time, but I am not willing to waste it!” I muttered under my breath as I walked home in the rain. We had a family member visiting from the States, but I had carved out a bit of time to meet with this woman I had never met before. She expressed interest through a mutual contact in attending the Bible study I lead. I wanted to help her feel more comfortable by meeting her first, but now she hadn’t shown up.
Today’s conversation is all about our identity, approval, affirmation, worth, and value. Alexandra Hoover is sharing about the insecurities she has battled, how she is learning to overcome, and how you can too.
Although a Christian for many years, this crisis did a number on my faith. I questioned God‘s love for me. I questioned His whereabouts and why He allowed this to happen to my family. Instead of seeking counseling, I hid in shame and secrecy, isolating myself from everyone I knew who cared and could offer love and support.