My lemon tree bloomed again this year, tons of tiny white blossoms with minuscule lemons sprouting inside them. Lemons that never grew large enough to be of use to anyone. The flowers were pretty, but I admit I was disappointed. I wanted lemons that I could squeeze into an icy pitcher of lemonade, drizzle onto tabouleh, and serve with baked chicken.
For as long as I can remember I’ve struggled with self-consciousness. There was a stint, before 3rd grade when I was unashamedly confident, but mean comments, embarrassments, and my own resentment of my shy, introverted personality chipped away at that innocence until I found it easier to hide myself from a world full of standards I couldn’t live up to. My rules for survival were simple: don’t speak up and don’t stand out.
The modern woman is extremely busy. She is hustling all the time, at work, at home, single or married, mother or not, she has a full plate and even fuller mind. The expectations placed on her by society, family, and the church are herculean. The Christian woman can easily mistake these expectations as the measure of her value.
I love Jesus, & I want everyone to know Him. I want everyone to have their lives transformed by Him, the same way mine has been. So much so, that I’ll give whatever I have to spread His love: my time, talents, & treasure. Actually, that’s not true.
Sometimes she came over, sat on the couch, and did not say much of anything. It made me nervous in the beginning. I tried to fill the silence with sound and my hands felt obligated to be busy moving, doing, working. Yet there she sat, still. Quiet.