The Secret to a More Joyful Life Might Surprise You. Relationships. It’s that simple. The more rooted your relationship with Christ and the deeper your connection with others, the more your joy will increase. Those who have strong relationships live happier and more fulfilled lives.
Becky Harling, co-founder of Harling Leadership, is on the show discussing the importance of relationships and the power of gathering with other women. She shares her journey of overcoming hardship and healing through her faith in Jesus. Becky emphasizes the need for deep, intimate connections with God and others and offers practical tips for cultivating and maintaining meaningful friendships. She also introduces her Girlfriend Gathering series, which includes Bible studies focused on rooted joy, tethered trust, and dearly loved. Becky encourages listeners to prioritize their relationships and be devoted to one another, just as the early church did.
Quotes:
“Jesus had great relationships.”
“God used that time or that season in my life to bring further healing.”
“We need a small circle of close friends with whom we can gather and dive into God’s word and be real with each other.”
Transcript:
Well, hello, Becky, and welcome to the Love Offering Podcast. I’m so happy to have you. Hey, I’m happy to be here with you, Rachel. So you and I met at the communicators collective a couple of years ago, actually. And I just remember you were such a good leader there and have such good biblical wisdom. And I’ve been so thankful to continue connecting with you just online and endorse one of your books. And I’m just honored to be able to partner with you and excited to introduce you to my listeners if they don’t know you yet. They’re gonna love you as much as I do. But to give everybody a little background on you, you are a person who profoundly values relationships and loves inspiring others to live a relationally rich life with God and others. So, Becky, where does this stem from? You know, I love people, Rachel. And one of my personal life goals is that I want to live my life well after the pattern of Jesus. And Jesus had great relationships. I think a lot of times we think of spirituality as something apart from our relationships. However, the truest probably measure of how well we’re following Jesus is how well we love others. So, you know, I want my relationships to be strong.
Well, gosh, that’s the Love Offering podcast. And so I’m in full agreement. Yeah. You just said. And so part of your background, too, you’re a survivor of cancer and childhood sexual abuse. And you believe that we can overcome hardship and live the life of purpose and passion that God intended for us to live. So I’d love to. That’s a big, loaded question, I know. But how has this proven true for you? You see, it has proven true over and over. Jesus never promised us that we were going to have a problem-free life, right? And so we accept the call or we receive the call to follow Him, we ask forgiveness. And then as we pursue Him, He continues to bring healing in our lives. Indeed, He heals us from past sins, but He also brings healing in other areas of our lives. You know, for me, I went through cancer, and yes, God healed me, But he also healed me deeper emotionally because when I went through cancer, a lot of the stuff that I had never dealt with from being sexually abused as a child came out. And so God used that time or that season in my life to bring further healing in my life, both definitely physically, but also emotionally and spiritually. And that’s God’s desire for us. And so, because that healing continues to take place really until we get to heaven and are finally with Jesus, I believe there’s always hope. There’s always hope for more healing in the journey. Yeah. And so you share that hope in so many ways. One of the ways you and your husband Steve are co-founders of the Harling Leadership. And so tell us more about this ministry that you you partner with your husband on. OK, so we have Harling Leadership. My husband, for starters,
Does a lot of different things. He was a pastor for many years. Now he’s the CEO of St. Luke’s foundation, which oversees a hospital in Ethiopia. He also co-founded Compel Global with our son. He and I have Harling leadership, and then I have Becky Harling. So, you know, Harling leadership is really focused on leaders. We like to help them listen. We do coaching. We do speak when we’re invited. And we’re just trying to empower leaders to be all they can be for Jesus. Wow.
You are a busy lady, and part of that busyness, so you have four adult children and 14 grandchildren. So you’re doing all this ministry work outside the home, but you’re doing a lot of ministry work inside the home too. So how do you balance the home ministry with all of your other ministries? You know, day by day, I do travel and speak. I’m not traveling as much internationally as I used to. There was a season between 2016 and 2020, and I did 70 countries. And that was crazy. And so now a lot of my ministry is here in the United States every now and then I overseas, but very rarely. And so when I’m home and I’m not speaking, you can find me at soccer games or, you know, playing with toddlers on the floor or, you know, taking my granddaughters out on a date. Family is vital to me, Rachel. And so, while I love the ministry that God has allowed me to do, I never want that to overshadow or diminish my family life because I want my kids, my kids in love, and my little grandkids to know that I love them. And I want to model the love of Christ really well.
Gosh, me too. And it’s such a complex challenge. I’ve got a middle and high schooler, and I don’t want to miss a game. I don’t want to miss an event. I don’t want to miss a conversation. But I also feel led to do some ministry things. And then on top of that, there’s our friendships, you know, we’ve got our marriages, our work, our children are, you know, we’ve got all these plates that we’re trying to juggle, and it’s really difficult to do, but our friendships and relationships are crucial too. And so that’s what I want to talk about. You’ve got this new series and have written many books, but your most recent series is the Girlfriend Gathering series. And that was one of the ones I was honored to endorse. And so, why is gathering with other women so important? It’s crucial for us. You know, we were designed for relationships, Rachel. And as women, we need relationships with other women with whom we are terrific friends.
You know, the Surgeon General in 2023 released a report on loneliness. In that report, they say the statistic is that a lot of Americans can’t even name three people that are close friends to them, friends that you would call in the middle of the night if you had an emergency or you would text or you would ask for or you would sit down and really share your heart over a cup of coffee. And that’s sad because God has designed us to have friends. When I came up with the idea of the girlfriend gathering, the idea behind this series was that some women are perhaps tired of the large conferences. Now, I love the large conferences because I love speaking.
But in addition to that, we need a small circle of close friends with whom we can gather and dive into God’s word and be honest with each other. It comes down to who you can be vulnerable with. And it’s vital in our journey to trust and follow Jesus that we have girlfriends with whom we can say, hey, I’m struggling today. I need your prayers, or I’m worried over this child or that child or my job or whatever, and I’m pressing into our friends in the community because our spiritual growth happens best in the community. It doesn’t happen in isolation as well. Yeah, I actually was reading, practicing the way, and he was talking about how Jesus had disciples, not just a disciple.
You know, even Jesus had close companions, some closer than others. And so we know even how he modeled his life; relationships are so meaningful. People are so important. But the first one in the series, correct me if I’m wrong, is rooted in joy, prioritizing your connection to Christ and your friends. And you say that the more rooted your relationship with Christ and deeper your connection with others, the more your joy will increase.
And so I’d love to hear more about it. I know everybody wants more joy, right? And so how, talk to us about this concept of rooted joy. And so, if you research the scientific part of joy, you discover that part of our brains is wired for joy. You could call that part the joy center, right? And that’s the part of your brain when someone seems happy to see. It triggers joy in your brain. So joy is a very relational concept. It would be hard to be filled with joy, whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, if you were utterly isolated because that’s not how God has designed us. He has designed us for a deep, intimate connection with himself and others. And as we are connected and as we feel and as we feel secure and invited, our joy grows. And so it’s really beautiful. So that particular girlfriend gathering is built on the book of Philippians where Paul is in prison and yet he has deep joy because he’s got great relationships, but he’s also got his deep intimacy with Christ. And those two things combined give us joy in our lives. Yeah, absolutely.
And so your latest release is Tethered Trust and it’s the subtitle is your connection to a name like no other. And so you say trust sounds simple, but trust is complicated and delicate. We know we should trust God, yet we grapple with the question, how do we do that? So I’d love for you to answer your question. Yeah. So trust is such a wonky concept. Because I mean, we really do want to trust God, but then life happens, correct, or tragedy happens, or trials happen, or hardships, and then we think, how do we trust God? What I have discovered in my own life, Rachel is that when I find my trust slipping, I go back to the names of Jesus.
So this little book is built on Isaiah 9, 6, the four names for Jesus, and he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, and Prince of Peace. Now, we think of that verse as a Christmas verse, but really, it points to four names for Jesus that provide a foundation for us to trust Him, even when we don’t understand.
So we go back to Jesus as the wonderful counselor, and we realize, okay, He can provide wisdom and comfort for every aspect of our lives. Mighty God, He can part the waters. Know, everlasting Father, He’s able from eternity to eternity to heal the father wounds in our lives and provide provision, protection, and security for us.
And then, Prince of Peace, man, do we ever need peace in this day and age, right? But he provides all of that. And as we dive deeper into his name, we find it easier to trust him. Yeah. Absolutely. And so, you mentioned Paul, you know, he had joy even though he was in prison and I’m just thinking about these concepts of joy and trust. How do we have joy and trust when life presents us with unexpected trials? Because it’s going to. That’s the one thing that God has promised us. In this world, we will have trouble. And so how do we continue to trust and have joy in these times? Well, I think it goes back to almost a two-pronged approach. So first of all, we have to, when even when we’re having trouble trusting, we have to press into Jesus a little closer. You we have to praise him for who he is above our life circumstances. And as we do that, the Holy Spirit increases our trust. But then we also need to lean into our friends, which is part of the concept behind this Girlfriend Gathering series. So if I’m struggling and I’m going through a trial and my friends are calling me and saying, Hey, we’re praying for you today. We’re in this with you. That’s going to increase my joy.
And it’s also going to provide, you know, a buffer for my trust in the Lord. I think of those friends that let their paralyzed friend down through the roof, you know, for Jesus to heal him. We need good friends in our lives where when you’re struggling in your marriage, I can say, okay, I’m going to pray for you and I’m going to pray for you every day. And I’m going to check in with you, maybe by text message. Perhaps I’m going to take you out for coffee or sit and listen to you cry and cry with you, but you’re going to feel like somebody’s in it with you. And that’s what’s important. We need God in it with us, and we need our friends in it with us. So I’d love to hear how you gather with your own girlfriends. Again, you’re so busy with traveling and your children and grandchildren. And so, if there’s even an element of making time to be present with our friends. So how do you do that and gather with your own friends? Okay. So I have many close friends. One of them is that we have been praying for our kids since they were toddlers. And so the beauty of that long-term friendship. And so right now, during the winter months, she lives in Phoenix. I’m in Colorado Springs.
We texted earlier today, hey, we’re gonna pray at 6 .30 a.m. tomorrow morning. So she and I’ll be on her knees in Phoenix, I’ll be on my knees in Colorado, and we’ll be checking in with each other. I have another friend who lives in California, she doesn’t live right here, and she has been a dear friend to me for over 20 years and we talked yesterday. So, part of it is intentionality. I have close friends here, and we’ll get together for coffee. One practice I have started since COVID-19 I realized that many Americans Have gotten into the habit of taking people out to coffee or dinner. And so I’ve started just opening my home because your friendship goes deeper when somebody’s in your home. And so I’ll invite a friend into my house and make coffee or tea they like. And we’ll sit and share our lives and pray together, but you have to be intentional because busyness is probably the most significant proponent right now of loneliness. Yeah, absolutely. I think, correct me if I’m wrong again, that you started writing The Scroomfriend Gathering during kind COVID. Honestly, I don’t know. I feel like loneliness, and you’ve mentioned this a couple of times, like loneliness is still so prevalent. You may also have a Bible study you’ve written, which will come out and be released in the fall on this topic. So, I’d love for you to give us a little sneak peek of that. Yeah. So I have just turned in cultivating deeper connections in a lonely world. It’s not Bible study. It’s built on biblical truth. So it’s built on one another statements in scripture, but it will give you convenient steps to deepen and cultivate good friendships and relationships. So some of the principles, there’s a whole chapter in there on hospitality. There’s another chapter on loyalty and how important that is. There’s a chapter on how to comfort somebody really well without being annoying to them. There’s all these different chapters. There’s a chapter on humility and what part that plays in laying the groundwork for a deep friendship.
This book was a fun one to write, Rachel. It’s loaded with stories. There are stories from different people, and it will show you the steps to take to build deeper friendships. I love that. And I think we’re all searching, especially since I’m an introvert. And so it’s easy for me to stay home, write, read, and do my housework. It’s harder to put myself out there. But I think once we do, Sometimes we don’t know what to say. So, having a guided approach and the practical tips you’ve given us are helpful. So, do you have another in the Girlfriend Gathering series that is planned? Like, is this going to be a series that’s going to continue? Well, I have one more in this series that I’m in the thick of writing right now. It’s due this summer and won’t come out till next year. And that one is, I’ve titled it Dearly Loved. So there’ll be Rooted Joy, Tethered Trust, and Loved Dearly.
And again, these girlfriend-gathering Bible studies are intentionally concise, so you could take it away and go with your friends for a Friday night or all day Saturday, or you could do it as a four-week short Bible study. One of the fun elements of these girlfriend gatherings is that there are suggested girlfriend activities. So you study the word of God, pray together, listen to a worship song together, and bless each other, but you also do a fun activity together to build that friendship between you. Yeah, I can see it being a retreat that you go away somewhere with your friends. And I think you made a good point. I wanted to touch on this. I have good friends in my home community, but I have a lot of good friends, I guess, because of this podcast and the writing, which has been such a blessing that I didn’t anticipate. Keep up with my friends on Marco Polo and Voxer. Sometimes, there’s not even enough time in the day to have a phone call, but at least you’re still connecting, and you still feel like there is a relationship that you’re building. so that’s been helpful for me, too, personally for those friends that live far away. You mentioned before that you’re an introvert. And I think a lot of times people think if I’m extroverted, I’m going to have friends, and if I’m introverted, I’m not going to have friends. But actually, that’s not true.
I mean, we can’t be friends with everybody, right? We can’t have massive, deep friendships, but we can have two or three friends that I always say you can ugly cry with or hit your knees with and go before the father. And those deep friendships are what will carry us when life is hard when there’s a cancer diagnosis, when you’re having difficulties with your teenager, or when the marriage is struggling. Those are the friends you want to contact and say, Hey, I need prayer. And you can be vulnerable with your friends. Even if you live in a different state, you can use Vox, or I’ve used Vox, or before, I can use the phone. I can set up a time to pray early in the morning with a friend and get down on my knees. But those relationships are really important.
Yeah, absolutely. Again, Jesus had close friends, and we need close friends, too. And you bring up a good point: I can feel the pressure. Like I want to be a good friend to everybody. And sometimes honestly, we just can’t, you know, like there is, I don’t know where I heard it, but it’s like Jesus had three, he had the 12, and then he had the multitudes. You see, he’s loving to all of them but was closer to some, and that’s okay. Do you have anything to say about that?
Yeah, you know, the way our human brains are designed, you can’t be close friends with everybody. So I forget the statistics, but it’s something like you can handle five close friends with whom you can share your heart. And then you can have a circle like Jesus of the 12, you know, good girlfriends, but maybe you wouldn’t talk to them if your marriage was falling apart or, you know, they’re friends, but they’re not as deep of your friends.
And then you have the multitude, which, for those of us who are authors and speakers, means there’s a multitude out there, right? We want to be good friends to them, but we can’t go to the same level that we can with maybe those three that we’re tight with, who have journeyed with us through the thick and thin of life.
Well, I’m excited about all of your girlfriend gathering series and the dear love just because this is the love offering podcast. That one seems especially interesting to me. And so one of the questions I’ve been asking all my guests this season is, what is something you’re loving right now? Wow. I am loving this season I’m in, Rachel. You know, I have great ministry opportunities, which I love. But beyond that, I enjoy my grandkids and my adult kids. Last night I was at my one daughter’s house. She had to take her son to soccer, and her husband was out of town. He was getting in last night. And so I was with her four others. She has five boys. So I was with four of her boys, identical twin four-year-olds and then an eight-year-old and a 10-year-old. It just was so fun reading to these twins on the couch and having them snuggle in.
You know, my granddaughter stopped over yesterday and, you know, comes running in the house and gives you a big hug. And these are just beautiful life moments. So I’m enjoying that. Yeah. Well, and they’re honestly simple moments. And I think we often believe this is just routine or ordinary or mundane. But really, I feel so much that we take those moments for granted. And so I think that it’s just lovely to be grateful for every moment we have with other people. And so the other question I have been asking all of my guests is, is there a biblical concept of love that applies to this girlfriend gathering series, know, trust or loneliness, or have we even talked about joy? Is there a biblical concept of love that could tie all those things together? The book of Romans says we are to be devoted to one another.
And I think we’ve lost some of that in recent years in our culture. You know, we’re pursuing our relationships with God and perhaps we’re pursuing our careers. Still, we have forgotten how to be devoted to one another and how to honor one another. And those one another are an essential part of our Christian journey, our journey to follow Jesus. If you look at the early church, they had dinner together almost every night, you know, it would be like you, what are you having for dinner? I’ll come over, and they would sit down and have dinner, and there wasn’t Netflix back then or, you know, Amazon Prime. So they would sit around and talk about what the Lord was doing in their life. I think that that’s a beautiful concept to get back to, to be devoted to one another, to honor one another, and to encourage each other in our walks with Christ.
Well, you’ve certainly done that for me today. And so as we close, would you pray for all of us as we, you know, maybe are struggling with our trust, struggling with our joy or struggling in our relationships, I’d love for you to pray over us. Sure, I would be happy to. Lord Jesus, we love you so much and are thankful you allowed us to do life together. We’re so grateful for our relationship—relationships with our spouses, with our kids, and with our friends. Thank you for good friends who come alongside us when life is hard or we feel weary. We are so thankful we can have girlfriends who will gather us in their hearts and lift us before the throne. Lord, thank you for who you are and what you do in each of our lives. And Lord, I want to pray for the listener who might be experiencing loneliness today. Help her Lord Jesus to take the initiative to find that friend to whom she can reach out so that her loneliness is healed and maybe theirs is as well. In Jesus’ name, amen. Amen. Well, Becky, I know I want to stay connected with you. I’m sure listeners are going to want to. So tell us how we can best do that.
Yeah, I would love to do that. So, the best place to stay connected with me is on my website, www.beckyharling.com. There are many gifts up there right now, so you can go there and check them out. I send out a devotional blog every Monday morning, and you can sign up for that on the website, get a free gift, and stay connected that way. I’m also on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, and what used to be Twitter, which is
You’re in all the places. Well, Becky, thank you. It’s always a pleasure to talk with you. I appreciate your wisdom and friendship as well. So, thanks for gathering with us today. Thanks, Rachel. It’s been a joy to be with you.
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