No doubt you have heard of the prolific writer, Anne Lamott. And perhaps you don’t fully agree with 100% of her theological stances– I know I don’t. But it cannot be denied that she was blessed with the gift of the pen. Since reading various works of her canon, there remains one beautiful nugget of wisdom that I return to time and again: “If you want to have loving feelings today, do loving things.” Though this particular quote is attributed to Lamott independent from her books, she revisits this mantra in much of her published writing: “If you want to feel loving, I coached myself, do something loving” (Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith).
We are not always going to feel loving towards our neighbor. This is simply a fact of fallen humanity. And yet we are commanded to do so. We know that Jesus highlights the two most important commandments: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law? And he said to him, You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22: 36-39).
Ann Lamott has cracked the code for how to do this when we aren’t feeling particularly loving: put love into action and the feelings will follow.
–That woman pushily encroaching on your personal space in the checkout line (despite the widely accepted 6-feet-apart recommendation)? Turn and say “Have a great rest of your day.” I bet you’ll leave feeling more loving.
–Your spouse experiencing stress at work and taking some of his grumpiness out at home? Offer him a back rub before bed or make his coffee in the morning. Sometimes, one small act of kindness can change the tone of love in a household.
–A friend exhibiting passive-aggressive behavior over a disagreement? Cut through the pretense and love her aggressively. Call out the issue, and take the blame even if it’s not entirely yours. And remind her that you love her.
After all, what is the gospel if not entirely about people getting what they don’t deserve? Yep. You and me and all the rest of the sinners who are still allowed in heaven despite how we regularly flounder. Grace.
And the greatest instance in the entire Bible of love expressed despite feelings? I would posit it was Jesus’ love-in-action when the Roman soldiers whipped him, spit on him, and mocked him, and he responded in prayer: “‘Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do”” (Luke 23.34). Would Jesus, in his full humanness, have felt great feelings of love toward the Romans in that moment? I would venture to say no. But again, love is more than a feeling.
Indeed, the greatest love is not a feeling that passes through. True love is an act—one that denies oneself for another. Of this, Jesus is our model and Lamott is our reminder.
To whom will you choose to be loving today?
Connect with Adelaide:
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https://thestoneandtheoak.com/
About the Author:
Adelaide was first gently nudged and then heftily shoved by God to start a blog in 2020 detailing her commitment to read the Bible thoughtfully in its entirety. She blogs about what God reveals to her in Scripture, her ongoing battle with chronic anxiety, and her love for DIY projects. She is sorely outnumbered in her house between her husband and three sons, so she compensates by snuggling up to her two sweet female pups, Lady and Lucy. She and her family have been transplanted a few times, and they currently reside in central California.
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