I never saw the rage inside me until the day I saw red. Trying to love a troublesome new family member drained my love reservoir bone dry.
I grew up reading Bible stories and singing “Jesus Loves Me,” but did Jesus really want me to love THIS person? From the beginning, I knew it would be a challenge. Some people press our buttons, test our testimonies, and shrink our capacity to love.
So I prayed. I prayed for God to remove this person from the family picture. Nothing happened, so I asked for patience to endure. Finally, I settled on pleading with God to help me keep my distance.
But God’s love is best viewed up close.
A series of events brought me face-to-face with the one I’d hoped to avoid. Within an hour, I ran to the best hiding place I could find. My husband knocked on the car window.
“What are you doing in there?”
“Preserving my Christianity,” I said. Separation seemed the only way.
That night, I fell to my knees. “Lord, I can’t love like you do.”
Suddenly, the story of Jesus clearing the temple came to mind. Maybe it was OK to flip a few tables, too?
“Not so quick,” the Holy Spirit whispered, putting a gentle finger on my hard heart, then pointing to God’s.
Jesus cleared obstacles that blocked the outsider’s view of God—both the tables and the insiders who charged a higher price than what God charged them. God’s love reached down; mine required people to step up.
Then Jesus flipped the tables for me. My self-righteousness created a barrier to the love this person needed to see.
“Lord, forgive me. Help me,” I cried, believing Jesus would make a way.
The next day, my perspective shifted. Though we weren’t BFFs, I noticed more good than bad about this family member. Like the blind man in Mark 8 who needed Jesus’ touch twice to see clearly, my vision was a work in progress.
When we fall short of loving like Jesus, He touches us again and again until we embrace this truth: All people are meant to be fully seen and loved.
Months passed. By the holidays, I was still struggling. I collapsed on the bed and squeezed my eyes shut to stop “seeing red.” But even with eyes closed, that’s all I saw.
“Lord, all I see is red.”
My heart beat wildly waiting for lightning to strike. Instead, I heard a still, small voice.
“Yes, my dear. Me, too. Whenever I look at you, I view you through the blood of My Son. That’s how I want you to look at hard-to-love people from now on.”
I recalled the event that changed how God sees us. Jesus poured out His blood for all sinners, including the condemned thief spewing hate. But as Jesus continued to love, the thief turned to Jesus and was welcomed into the family of God.
Jesus promises, “..whoever comes to me I will never cast out.” (John 6:37, ESV)
If you’ve ever asked, “Does Jesus really want me to love THIS person?” remember 1 John 4:19. ”We love because he first loved us.” Our capacity to love comes from Love Himself.
The love of Christ removes barriers and helps us stretch our arms out to everyone Jesus died for—sinners like you and me. Covered in His blood, we’re able to see God’s shade of red.
One year ago, I didn’t quite see things God’s way. But today, I have a brand-new vision—loving people through the blood so they have a clear view of Jesus. There’s no greater love in this world.
{If you enjoyed this blog post, you might also like this episode of The Love Offering Podcast, where Rachael chats with Somer Cobert about why we love and what hinders us from loving well. Somer’s ministry focuses on showing love through an intentional mindset and choices each and every day, to serve rather than be served, and to love even when it’s hard. They chat about love in our marriages, as mothers, in our churches, and in our workplaces. Be encouraged and equipped to keep loving right where you are. You can listen to the episode here.}
About the Author:
Nikki S. White writes “Just a Broken Believer,” an inspirational blog for long-time Christians who feel stuck, inadequate, or afraid of disappointing Jesus.
Through easily relatable posts that connect life in a broken world with God’s Word, Nikki touches thousands of readers each week. Her messages of grace have been featured by many ministries, including A Joyful Life, Steady On University, and the Devoted Collective.
She recently published a memoir, “Me, Mom, & Jesus: An Unlikely Love Story of Two Broken Hearts and One Miracle-Working God,” and co-authored her first Bible study “Goodness & Mercy” with Angie Baughman.
Nikki and her husband Chuck live in her tiny Michigan hometown, a bike ride away from three highly advanced granddaughters. Though currently unable to pass an antique store or cute coffee shop, she pursues a minimalistic, abundant life through frequent bouts of heart, mind, and closet decluttering.
