Repairing Unintentional Hurts by Katy Parker

by Rachael Adams | Dec 14, 2023 | The Love Offering Guest Blog Series

It was a simple sentence, a question that I thought would be welcomed by all. “Please, could you take a photo of us?” I asked the waitress as we all sat at the table enjoying our Sunday meal in an imaginatively furnished restaurant. “Of course,” said the waitress with a smile as she took my phone. However, neither of us appreciated the drama that was about to unfold. It didn’t even cross my mind that there may be someone who would be so strongly against having their picture taken and that it could even cause someone pain.

All I wanted was to have a photo of the whole family. It had been a while since all of us had been out together, and while this wasn’t a happy time for us, I thought it would be nice to eternalize this moment before this awful illness starts to take its toll on Mum. I wanted it to be a memory of Mum, as I used to call my mother-in-law, as I wanted to remember her. Short grayish hair, glasses, smart blue dress and a smile.

However, just because I thought it would be nice to capture a memory of what was likely to be the last photo of us all together, not everyone was of the same opinion. Maybe it was their way of dealing with the heart-breaking news we received only a couple of days ago when we found out that there isn’t a cure for Mum’s lung cancer.

I didn’t mean to hurt someone who was already going through a hard time. It didn’t even cross my mind that my action could cause pain. But it did.

My friend, perhaps you know this feeling. It could be that you have also unintentionally caused someone pain. Maybe your husband, partner, child, parents, neighbors… The unfortunate reality is that we do hurt others. It is part of life, part of learning to love and forgive. But when we unintentionally hurt someone, it hurts us too. The pain gets divided between both parties. We feel their pain, and while it may not even be anyone’s fault, the damage has still been done.

‘I didn’t mean to hurt them, so what can I do about it?’ you may ask. The Bible tells us, “Humble yourself before the Lord, and He will exalt you” (James, 4:10) So, I did just that. I took some time and prayed. We pray for those we have hurt and to be able to see things from their perspective. This will help us to better understand their pain, shows that we value their feelings, and that we didn’t mean to hurt them. And so, we apologize, even if we might not be in the wrong. Because sometimes no one is to blame, but we apologize because we value our relationship with them. We apologize because it humbles us.

We become peacemakers. As Jesus taught us (Mathew 5:9), “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” And offering our apology to someone we have hurt, even unintentionally, can also help us to feel much better.

About the Author:

Katy was born in Slovakia but lives with her husband, Chris, on the South Coast of England (UK). She returned to writing after a very long break after her traumatic accident in 2020. Katy believes that God left her in this world for a reason, and during her recovery, she created a safe space for trauma survivors to share their stories and let others know they aren’t alone. Katy shares her journey of hope and healing on her Journeyofsmiley blog, where you can also find her free e-book 7 Keys To Self-Healing, A Trauma Survivor’s Guide, https://journeyofsmiley.com/free-resources-journeyofsmiley