Loving When It’s Hard by Jana Fraley

by Rachael Adams | May 26, 2022 | The Love Offering Guest Blog Series

I got off the phone and felt as if there was a fist around my heart, squeezing its lifeblood. The hurt and discouragement were so palpable, making every breath painful. Finally, I understood why it’s called “heartache” because the pain was not just emotional, it was an actual ache in my chest, a hurt that made me weep from a place deep inside.

I wonder how many women have experienced this same kind of hurt caused by trying to love someone who isn’t easy to love – striving to love someone we aren’t even sure we really like.

I have a feeling this is the reality of many who are reading these words. After all, we’re sinful human beings with complex, messy lives, living amongst other sinful, complex, messy human beings! Chances are pretty good that right now, you are either having a difficult time loving someone, or someone is having a difficult time loving you.

One of the most painful consequences of the fall is loving others when we really don’t feel like it. When we have been wounded or disappointed. When love isn’t returned the way we would like it to be. When love isn’t returned at all.

We live in a world where popular opinion is to just cut those hard-to-love people out of our lives; self-preservation is key, putting ourselves first is the answer to dealing with this kind of heart hurt. Of course, the easiest and least painful thing would be to just keep ourselves from loving those who are hard to love.

And yet. . . God’s word says something so different and antithetical to what the world tells us! Through Paul’s letter to the Christian church in Rome, we’re told exactly how we’re to care for one another:

“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. . . Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Romans 12:9-12, 17-18).

Loving those who are easy to love isn’t a sacrifice at all, but loving someone who continually hurts and intentionally wounds us is not only a sacrifice, but it’s an appropriate offering to God. This kind of love is so precious to Him because we’re giving to Him what costs us, what we might never see any benefit or return from the investment we make in loving those hard to love.

This kind of love still results in a tangible ache, but it becomes the beautiful ache of sacrifice from loving what isn’t easy, not because of anything good or worthy in me, but because of the sacrificial way that God loves us. It’s an intentional choice for me, to love with this kind of love.

About the Author:

Jana Fraley is a ranch wife and mom, Christian writer, speaker, and blogger. She has a heart for discipling & encouraging women as they pursue an active and enduring faith in Jesus by seeking God’s truth through His Word, developing a Biblical Worldview, and finding contentment through their hope in Christ. She has collaborated on one devotional book, “Tapestry of Grace”, and has written for various other print and online publications including The Kindred Mom, Living By Design, The Joyful Life Magazine, and Faith Storytellers. She does all of this with her family’s Wyoming ranch as the backdrop; where she and her husband, Mike, have made a life together raising kids and cattle.