Hope After Sexual Betrayal with Ellen Mary Dykas

by Rachael Adams | Sep 22, 2026 | The Love Offering Podcast Show Notes

Sexual betrayal can make a woman question everything she believed to be true.

When pornography, an affair, or another form of sexual unfaithfulness comes to light, she may begin wondering: Who is this person I married? Was our marriage ever what I thought it was? What did I do wrong? Why wasn’t I enough? What am I supposed to do now?

These questions are not signs of weakness or faithlessness. They are understandable responses to the breaking of trust within a relationship God designed to be exclusive, intimate, and covenantal.

In my conversation with Ellen Mary Dykas, director of Equipping for Ministry to Women at Harvest USA, she offered compassionate, biblical guidance for women walking through this painful and unwanted journey.

You Did Not Cause Your Husband’s Choices

A wife who has experienced sexual betrayal may instinctively blame herself. She may wonder whether she was attractive enough, attentive enough, affectionate enough, or sexually available enough.

She may even hear these accusations from her husband or from people who should be supporting her.

But Scripture teaches that sinful actions flow from the heart of the person who chooses them. A wife may acknowledge areas in which she wants to grow, but she did not cause or force her husband to pursue pornography, an affair, or another form of sexual sin. His choices are his responsibility.

That truth may not immediately remove the pain of rejection, but it can begin to lift the burden of false responsibility.

You Do Not Have to Decide Everything Today

In the immediate aftermath of disclosure, a wife may feel pressured to make life-altering decisions about her marriage. But her first priorities should include her safety, stability, physical well-being, and access to wise support.

Before trying to determine the entire future of her marriage, she may need help with the next ordinary things: eating, sleeping, caring for her children, going to work, and making it through the day.

Every situation is different, especially when questions of safety or abuse are involved. A trusted counselor, pastor, advocate, or mature Christian friend can help her understand her options and take the next wise step.

Genuine Repentance Bears Fruit

Promises and apologies may sound reassuring, but genuine repentance is revealed over time through changed behavior.

A repentant husband will increasingly demonstrate a willingness to do whatever is necessary to turn from his sin. This might include accepting accountability, seeking help from mature Christian men, changing his access to technology, making costly lifestyle adjustments, and answering questions honestly.

True repentance also recognizes the harm done to the wife. Rather than becoming impatient with her fear or grief, a repentant husband learns to respond with humility and compassion. He understands that his actions contributed to her pain and that rebuilding trust will require patience.

An unwillingness to seek help or involve anyone else is a serious warning sign. Secrecy, pride, and self-reliance allow sinful patterns to continue. Repentance steps into the light.

Forgiveness, Reconciliation, and Trust Are Not the Same

A wife may feel spiritually pressured to forgive quickly and behave as though nothing happened. But forgiveness, reconciliation, and restored trust are related without being interchangeable.

Forgiveness extends undeserved grace and releases the personal debt created by another person’s wrongdoing. Reconciliation involves repairing a broken relationship and requires the participation of both people. Restored trust develops gradually as the person who broke trust consistently behaves in a trustworthy way.

A wife may sincerely forgive her husband while still needing time, evidence of repentance, and appropriate boundaries before trust can be restored. Trust is not rebuilt through demands or promises. It grows through sustained faithfulness.

Wise Boundaries Can Be Loving

Boundaries are sometimes misunderstood as punishment or unforgiveness. But wise boundaries protect what is good, holy, and true. They can promote safety, encourage repentance, and create appropriate conditions for healing.

These boundaries will differ depending on the circumstances. They may involve technology, finances, living arrangements, counseling, accountability, or physical intimacy.

A wife is not responsible for fixing her husband, managing his temptations, or protecting him from the consequences of his decisions. She is allowed to seek wisdom and establish boundaries that acknowledge the depth of the broken trust.

Find People Who Will Listen and Stay

Sexual betrayal often thrives in secrecy, but a hurting wife should choose her support carefully. Not everyone will be a safe person with whom to share such a tender story.

A trustworthy helper will honor the dignity of women, protect confidentiality, listen without rushing to fix the situation, and take time to understand the woman’s particular needs. Spiritually mature people who have walked through suffering themselves may be especially prepared to offer patient, compassionate care.

And support should not end after the first conversation. A text a few days later, a walk the following week, a meal, a prayer, or help locating a qualified counselor can remind a hurting woman that she has not been forgotten.

Jesus Is Present in Your Heartbreak

Ellen shared the account of the widow of Nain in Luke 7. When Jesus saw this grieving woman following the body of her only son, He noticed her pain and moved toward her with compassion.

This is the heart of Christ.

Jesus sees the wife whose life feels shattered. He is not standing at a distance, waiting for her to pull herself together. He moves toward her in her sadness, confusion, anger, and fear.

Books, counselors, churches, and support programs can offer meaningful help, but none can replace Christ Himself. He is the heart healer and Redeemer. He has not left you, and He will not abandon you in this unwanted journey.

You may not know what your marriage will look like tomorrow. But you do not have to solve tomorrow today. You can take one faithful step, trusting that Jesus will meet you there.