Have you ever wondered why God allows pain or if you’ll ever feel joy again?
If you’re walking through grief, loss, or trauma—or love someone who is—you won’t want to miss this week’s episode of The Love Offering Podcast. I’m joined by Kimberly Haar, a licensed professional counselor and marriage and family therapist with nearly two decades of experience, to talk about her powerful new book, Healing from Life’s Deepest Hurts: Reclaiming Your Life After Grief, Loss, and Trauma.
In our conversation, Kim offers:
- A gentle guide through the stages of healing
- Compassionate biblical wisdom for the hardest moments
- Practical mental health tools rooted in faith
Kim doesn’t just speak from training—she speaks from experience. As a survivor of domestic violence, she knows firsthand what it means to wrestle with the “why,” to sit in the silence, and to slowly rediscover hope on the other side of heartbreak.
Whether you’re carrying your own questions or supporting someone else through theirs, this interview will remind you: God has not abandoned you. He is able to redeem even the most broken places.
Holding space for healing with you,
Rachael
P.S. If this episode blesses you, would you consider sharing it with a friend who may also need encouragement?
Summary
In this powerful episode of The Love Offering Podcast, Rachael Adams welcomes licensed counselor and author Kimberly Haar to share her harrowing yet hope-filled story of trauma, survival, and restoration. After enduring a life-altering act of violence, Kimberly found herself face to face with grief, betrayal, and deep emotional pain. But it was in those darkest valleys that she also encountered the steadfast presence of God and the beginning of true healing. Through raw vulnerability, biblical wisdom, and her experience as a therapist, Kimberly offers practical tools and spiritual encouragement to anyone navigating the challenging path of recovery. Whether you’re in a season of suffering or walking alongside someone who is, this conversation is a reminder that healing is possible—and you’re never alone.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Love and Healing
02:16 Kimberly’s Journey Through Trauma
12:55 Understanding Healing After Trauma
22:14 The Process of Restoration
28:33 Forgiveness as a Step Towards Healing
31:44 God’s Love in Times of Grief
Transcript (AI Generated)
Rachael Adams (00:01.324)
Welcome to the Love Offering Podcast. I’m your host, Rachel Adams, author of Everyday Prayers for Love: Learning to Love God, Others, and Yourself. Each week, we delve into meaningful conversations about how to live out the greatest commandment: loving God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and loving our neighbors as ourselves. Whether through inspiring stories, practical tips, or biblical truths, I hope to encourage you to love boldly, live faithfully, and reflect God’s love in your everyday life.
Today, I’m honored to welcome Kimberly Haar to the show. Kimberly is a licensed counselor, a survivor, and the author of Healing from Life’s Deepest Hurts. In this compassionate and biblically grounded book, Kimberly helps us understand how to process grief, trauma, and deep pain, not by pretending it doesn’t exist, but by learning how God meets us in our darkest valleys to bring healing, hope, and peace. Well, hello, Kim. Welcome to the Love Offering Podcast. I’m so happy to have you
Kimberly Haar (01:03.242)
Hello, Rachel. Thank you for having me.
Rachael Adams (01:06.168)
So, you and I were talking before I hit record that we met almost three years ago at a creatives retreat in Charlotte, North Carolina. And I remember specifically that sometimes you connect with certain people better than others. This is the reality of, and you were one of those people for me. I remember having a heartfelt conversation, hearing your story, and sharing our dreams. Now, three years later, your dream is becoming a reality. And it’s just so beautiful to see. And I’m just celebrating you today. I’m excited to introduce you and your story to our listeners.
Kimberly Haar (01:37.302)
Thank you. You know, when I met you at Cult Creatives, one of the things that stood out to me was that you were so kind and so charming and gracious. And I just immediately felt drawn to you.
Rachael Adams (01:50.207)
Well, the feeling is mutual. Let’s dive into your topic. You know, we’re not sugarcoating this. This is a heavy topic. However, we need to recognize that we all have heavy stories, we all experience pain, and that’s different, and it’s all relative. I appreciate your vulnerability and authenticity in sharing your story so, if you would share your testimony.
Kimberly Haar (02:31.19)
Absolutely. In 2013, I had been married for 23 years. And during the time of my first marriage, my ex-husband, who is now my ex-husband, was continually unfaithful. There was, you know, pornography, chat rooms, one-night stands. And I decided to stay in that marriage for 23 years because we had four children. And I didn’t want my children to go from home to home. I wanted to be there every morning when they woke up, every night when they went to bed. But when our youngest children were still in high school in 2013, I discovered my ex-husband had been in an affair. And I knew at that point I could no longer stay in the marriage. And so after 23 years, I probably made the hardest decision of my life, and that was to file for divorce.
And when we filed for divorce, we had a friendly divorce. I told my ex-husband that for the next four years, I wouldn’t date anyone. I said I was going to focus on being just a mom to our kids in high school. I didn’t want them to compete with anybody for my attention. And so for four years, I had told him, in four years, get your life together, figure out what you’re doing, and maybe there’s a chance we might be able to reconcile in four years. Because I did love him.
And four years came and went. I did not see the changes that needed to happen. And I woke up in January 2017, and I felt this stirring inside of me that said, this is the year you’re gonna be married again. But then I also heard the words, buckle your seatbelt. And I thought, well, this is gonna go fast. is, know. At 50 years old, I decided it was time for me to start looking at dating again and getting into relationships. And I met a man on April Fool’s Day. I had met him online, and I immediately knew this was the man I was gonna marry. And it was not something I just fell into because I hadn’t dated somebody in 27 years. And we both knew, though, right away. And the man that I was dating was an engineer.
Kimberly Haar (04:45.21)
And it kind of tickled me because we saw each other almost every night for a month. We just spent all of our time together. And probably two weeks into our relationship, he said, ‘I’ve asked Google how long I’ve to know somebody before I know if I’m in love.’ And I kind of laughed because that’s definitely the engineer brain wanting all the statistics and to do it right. And so we knew we were going to marry. And he told me that he wanted to marry me.
Four weeks after I met him, my ex-husband asked me to come over to his home and talk about our children. And that was not uncommon. We’d had many conversations about our children. So I went to my ex-husband’s home. And while I was there, he began kind of pressuring me about wanting to date me again. And I told him that I was dating somebody seriously and we just needed to move on with our lives. And he made a comment. He said, Maybe I’m going to have to go talk to that man.
And I didn’t realize that my ex-husband had been stalking me, and he knew where this man lived. And so, when I left my ex-husband’s home, I called my boyfriend and said, ‘Can I come by and see you and talk to you for a few minutes?’ It was about nine o’clock at night. And he said, Sure. So I went over there and I explained the conversation I’d had with my ex-husband. And I said, I’m so sorry, but he’s probably gonna show up at your work. He may embarrass you. He may spread rumors about me.
And I said, Would you fight for me? And my boyfriend looked down at me and said, ‘Absolutely, I’d fight for you.’ And when I asked why, he said, Because you’re worth it. Those were gonna be the last words that I spoke to him for a while because within 24 hours, he was not only gonna be fighting for me, he was gonna be fighting for his life. And I went home, I went to bed, and before I got in bed, something inside me said, Lock your bedroom door.
It’s not something I had done regularly. I lived by myself. So I got up, locked my bedroom door, and went to sleep. And at 2.30 in the morning, I woke up to the sound of my bedroom door crashing down off the hinges. I looked into the face of my ex-husband. He had a gun in his hand. He was intoxicated. He was screaming and yelling. And for the next four hours, I was assaulted.
Kimberly Haar (07:01.366)
I had a gun in my mouth, he shot my wallop, and after the four hours he made the comment, he said, now as punishment for ruining my life, I’m going to make you come with me and I’m gonna make you watch me kill the man that you’ve been dating. So he kidnapped me and I got in the vehicle with him. I was praying for my boyfriend the whole time, just praying that the angels would be around him, protecting him.
And when we got to his home, I watched as my ex-husband reached into the backseat of the vehicle. He picked up his gun, extra bullets, and I watched as he climbed the stairs to the front of my boyfriend’s house. He had a lead glass window on the front of the door, so it was a big window on the front of his door. But before my ex-husband left the vehicle, he looked at me and said, ‘Now do whatever you need to do.’ And he left the keys in the ignition.
So I watched as he mounted the three stairs, and I heard three gunshots, and I knew there was no way my boyfriend was gonna survive. So I jumped in the driver’s seat, got to a 24-hour super center, and walked in. I ran in and screamed at the top of my lungs, ‘Call 911!’ And at that point, I was unrecognizable. My face was all bloodied, I mean, I know it was a horrific sight.
And everybody was just staring at me in horror. And so, when I looked down into my hand, I saw a cell phone, and it was not mine. So, all I can figure is that it must have come from my ex-husband’s vehicle. And I had heard that if you call 911, it will bypass any phone lock. And it did. So I called 911 and told them, ‘Get the police there; tell them to be careful because this isn’t going to end well.’
And then I was escorted into a warehouse, and I waited for the police and ambulance. And when a policeman came and got me, he said, Ma’am, we’ve got an ambulance for you. And as I walked out, I told him, ” I need to stop at that vehicle and get my cell phone. I said, all my kids’ phone numbers are in there. I want to call them so they don’t see this on the news. And when I opened the passenger door of the vehicle, my ex-husband was sitting behind the steering whee,l and he had a gun pointed at me.
Kimberly Haar (09:21.362)
I had only driven about four blocks, although I think I probably drove in circles, so I thought I had driven farther than that. But he must have walked and seen the vehicle, and gotten in it. And so within seconds, I had a human shield of police around me. My ex-husband was apprehended, and I was taken to the hospital emergency room. While I was there, I had only met one of his children, my boyfriend. They were all adult children. I’d met one of them.
And his son called my phone, and my daughter answered it. And he said, We wish your mom well, but we think our parents need to go their separate ways. And I learned that my boyfriend had been shot 10 times. He had been shot in the femoral artery. He was in and out of surgeries. It was touch and go. But for the next six, four to six weeks, I did not hear from him, and I couldn’t find him because he was under an assumed name in the hospital. After all, it was a crime scene. So it was like a John Doe.
And when I left the hospital, I went and stayed at my mom and dad’s house for a few nights, but I knew I couldn’t stay there long term. My aunt and uncle, who lived in town, were planning to go to Canada for the summer. And they came over and said, ‘Kim, we want to gift you our home for the summer.’ And so I went and I got a tour of their home. And when they had me look in the backyard, there was a beautiful, large pergola. It had two swings. It had a big cement floor.
And something inside me just told me that this is where my healing was going to begin, and this is where I was going to meet Jesus. And so for the next six weeks, I spent every day on my face. After six weeks, I’ll jump forward a little bit. After six weeks, I received a Facebook Messenger message from Andrew, who was my boyfriend’s name, and it said, ‘I’m alive.’
And I asked, Can I see you? He was getting ready to go into the hospital. And he said, No, he goes, I have a surgery. He says, ‘Let me call you after the weekend.’ And he ended the message with take care. And I was thinking, well, what does that mean? Does that mean I wish you well in life, goodbye? And so it was the longest weekend of my life. And after the weekend, I received another text message, which said a visit would be nice.
And so we arranged it; I was 50, he was 53, and we were both 50-year-olds, sneaking around his adult children at the hospital. So I went when his kids weren’t there, and I walked in and said, ‘Where does this leave us?’ And he said, I don’t know. And my heart sank. He said, ‘I looked at the felony counts against him. He goes, ‘I know what happened to you.’ And he said, You’re going to be messed up. And he said, I know what happened to me, and I’m going to be messed up. And something rose inside me, and I shook my finger in his face. And I said, Andrew, you will never meet another woman like me. And four weeks later, we were engaged; four months later, we were married. We have now been married for eight years.
Rachael Adams (12:29.142)
Hmm. That is such a profound and poignant, yet also beautiful, story all at the same time. And so we’re going to take a brief break to hear a word from today’s sponsor. And when we come back, we’ll talk about what healing can really look like in the aftermath of life’s deepest hurts.
Welcome back. We are speaking with Kimberly Haar, and you have such profound wisdom and a powerful testimony of how God has worked through pain and suffering. And so your new book tackles one of the most challenging questions, I think, that many of us ask, which is Why does God allow suffering? So, what’s your answer to that now, after you’ve experienced all that you have?
Kimberly Haar (13:13.682)
Yes, you know, that is a hard question. And sometimes when people ask that, it actually is more of an accusation than a question. Because often it’s an accusation of God, you weren’t there. Where were you? You weren’t there. And I will say from my own experience, when I was in my bedroom, I had been assaulted, I was lying on my bed, and I was very fearful because I didn’t know if I was going to live or die. And all of a sudden,
I sensed a presence in the room. And the presence was like a sad one, but it was accompanied by such a comforting warmth that came over me, as if a hand was holding mine. And I knew in that moment that if I died, I would not have died alone. And it made me think of the fact that I’ve four children. And when my middle daughter was in kindergarten, I had to take her to school for her immunizations.
And I remember her looking up at me, crocodile tears in her eyes, knowing, fearful, Mom, why are you letting this happen to me? And I remember looking at her and saying, ‘Look into my eyes, Mommy’s here; I am not going anywhere.’ I am not leaving your side. And it was like that day in my room, the Lord was just looking in my eyes saying, I am your Abba father. I am not going anywhere. Look into my eyes.
And I don’t understand why God doesn’t just remove pain from all of us. But you know, the one thing He never removes is His presence. And I think that it’s God who welcomes our questions because when I went to the pergola, those, especially that first week, I would lie on my face and all I could do was weep.
And I wore a bathrobe, I wrapped myself in a big green blanket, and I would lie prostrate on the cement floor. And I didn’t even know my body could cry that much and just weep. It was like my body was crying. And I remember telling the Lord, ‘I don’t even have words to pray.’ I don’t have the strength to pray. I am so broken and so empty. But I knew there was a scripture in Zephaniah that says God sings over us.
Kimberly Haar (15:30.367)
And I prayed and said, ‘Lord, I’m asking you, would you please sing life back into me?’ And I would listen to praise and worship music, and I didn’t even have the energy to sing along with them, or I would just let the words wash over me. And little by little, probably after the first week, I began to get up and I would stand, and a specific song came on the radio called Dance With Me, Lover of My Soul by Paul Wilbur.
I didn’t feel like it. I had all these emotions, but I put my arms up in a waltz position and I said, Lord, as a sacrifice of my praise, because I don’t feel like praising you right now. I said, I’m going to put my hands up in this waltz position and I envisioned Jesus just holding me and being my dance partner. And I would waltz to the music of this one song, and at the very end of the song,
I would pull out the sides of my robe like a little dress, and I would curtsy and bow my head, and I would say, Lord, I love you. And I think that sacrifice of praise is when your world is falling apart and you don’t understand what’s happening, and you still say, God, I’m still gonna say you’re worthy. I’m still going to choose to trust you because, in those early days, there was numbness, anger, sadness, frustration, and all the other emotions. And the beginning of the healing was saying, God, I don’t know what this is going to look like, but I’m going to heal.
Rachael Adams (17:03.416)
So, were you a counselor before this, or did you become a counselor after?
Kimberly Haar (17:10.418)
I was a counselor before this. And the reason is that I’ve been a counselor for about 18 years. And the reason I became a counselor was because my first husband and I went to marriage counseling, and it felt like they were putting a Band-Aid on it. It felt like I wasn’t being given any hope. So I decided to go back to school to learn how I can be a hope giver. And so, I was already a therapist at this time. And I think that that is also a part of what really kept me calm in those beginning days, because when my ex-husband broke down my door, the very first thing he told me was that he had come from killing my mom and dad. Now he had not, but I didn’t know that. And so, in that moment, I told myself, ‘Put it on the shelf; you will grieve it later.’ You will, whatever you’re gonna walk through, you can’t pay attention to that right now. And so I literally coached myself through everything, saying, okay, stay calm, listen to what he’s saying. I was, you know, I prayed and said, Lord, keep me alive because I know my family is going to need me. My kids are going to need me. And I think that, even when we were driving to Andrew’s house, there was just a calmness that I think my training helped prepare me for.
Rachael Adams (18:25.452)
Yeah, so because of everything you’ve experienced personally and your professional journey, how has that shaped your view of healing and God’s faithfulness?
Kimberly Haar (18:36.928)
You know, I think that when I look at God’s healing and faithfulness, one thing I’ve spent so many years walking my clients through — healing from tragedy and trauma —and now I’m the one walking through that. And so I used many of the tools that I’ve worked with my clients, which I was very thankful for. However, the healing that was most meaningful to me was that in those days, it was as if God met me in my anger. God met me in my doubt. He met me in my questions, and He didn’t reprimand me. There was such a fantastic sense of acceptance and love, and it made my faith that much deeper because it was as if there was nobody I could turn to but my Heavenly Father.
So, in that sense, when I talk about the healing, it wasn’t fast or quick; it was layer upon layer, a process that wasn’t linear. Some days I would feel like, hey, this is great, I’m healing, and then a few days later, I felt like I was taking six steps back, and I immediately put myself into therapy. Because, as a therapist, I know the value of having a trusted guide to walk beside you as you are on a healing journey. However, I believe that my faith has grown deeper, and it has served as the foundation from which I have learned many things. I learned that I had to surrender control because when you go through something really hard, the knee-jerk reaction is that we want to control. We want to try to make things happen the way we want them to, and I found myself, I giggle at myself now because there’s a scripture in the Bible that says, ‘I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord. Well, I rewrote that, and it was the Kim James version. And I said, ‘I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, not to harm you, to give you everything you want, when you want it, how you want it.’ And so I called all my girlfriends, and I said, ‘Okay, get me on every prayer chain.’ This is what you need to pray; this is how you need to pray. And I was telling everybody to pray that Andrew has a Kim-shaped hole in his heart, and that I’m the only thing that will fill that hole, and that God will bring them back to me. And I had to reach the point where I told the Lord I was scared to trust Him. I said, I’m scared to give you my hopes, my dreams, my pain.
Kimberly Haar (20:58.612)
I’m scared because what if you don’t do what I want? What if you don’t give me what I want? And through a very difficult process, I finally reached the point where it was like, ‘Lord, I am going to surrender my dreams.’ Because I had even told them that if Andrew’s not the best for me, I’m okay with settling for second best. I’ll take the Boobly Prize. And so it was really saying, OK, I’m going to trust you. And I didn’t feel like it. But it was like, I am going to choose to trust you.
Rachael Adams (21:30.959)
That’s interesting because when you chose to dance with the Lord, it was a choice, and you decided to trust it. It’s over sometimes, maybe more mind than heart sometimes. And I think that is just really interesting. It’s going to take discipline before our feelings actually follow. It’s making that first choice and taking that first step. And I look forward to continuing today’s conversation and discussing these steps in healing further. However, we’re taking a short break to hear a word from today’s sponsor. And when we return, we’ll explore how to move forward when pain seems permanent.
Welcome back. We are talking with Kimberly Haar. You know, I think for those that maybe are listening that have experienced trauma, maybe not exactly like yours, also they say there’s big T trauma and little T trauma, but it’s still all trauma, right? So, what does this process of restoration look like from a biblical and emotional perspective?
Kimberly Haar (22:29.622)
Sure. And let me, before I jump into that, piggyback on what you just said: there is big T-trauma and little T-trauma, but pain is pain. There is no pain Olympics. And it is, you know, when I have felt loss and grief and betrayal and pain, so has somebody else, and one is not greater than the other. In the healing process, as described in the biblical scriptural part of it, there’s a story in the Bible about a woman named Naomi.
And she is married, with two boys, and she leaves her homeland. She and her husband raise their children in another land, and the boys get married. But over the years, Naomi’s husband died, and then both her sons died. And she takes her daughter-in-law back to Bethlehem. And when the women see Naomi, they greet her, saying, Naomi, we’re so excited to see you. And Naomi comments, saying, ‘God took me out in plenty, but He has afflicted me.’ He’s bringing me back empty. And she says, from this day forward, do not call me Naomi. Call me Mara, which means bitter. And Naomi changed her name, adapting it to her circumstances and past. When God changed names in the Bible, He changed the names to reflect destiny and the future. Like Abram became the father of many nations. know, Peter became the rock.
And when I was going through the first few weeks, I would have to go to the district attorney’s office because it was a crime, and I had to possibly testify. And when I would go there, there was a sheet of paper with an arrow on it, and it always said, ‘Victim sign here.’ And something inside me did not sit well when I saw that. And I told the district attorney, ‘I will sign here because I know it’s a legal matter.’ I said, but I want you to know something.
I will not be a victim. I was victimized. And in that moment, I was a victim, but this will not be my defining moment. This is not the end of my story. And we have such a choice in our healing, are we going to stay stuck in our pain? Because not everybody wants to heal. Some people want to stay in that place of pain. Sometimes it’s for protection, and sometimes for many other reasons, but we can remain stuck, and we can wear a name tag on us that says, ‘ You know, Mara, which is bitter, unforgiving, angry, or stuck. ‘ And that day that I was assaulted, I was in the emergency room, and I later met back up with the detective who was on my case. And she asked me, ‘Kim, do you remember what you told me that day?’ And I said, No, I do not. And she said, I was training a new detective, and it puzzled me when you said this.
She goes, but you looked at me and said, ‘I will not let this experience go to waste.’ I’m going to be a better therapist because of it. And then my oldest daughter said, Mom, do you remember what you said to me in the emergency room? And I said, no. So she said, You looked at me and you said, Promise me you won’t let this make you bitter. And the very last words I ever spoke to my ex-husband, I’ve not spoken to him since the day I was assaulted.
But as the intoxication was wearing off, he looked down at me and he said, Tell me the truth, I’ve gone too far. He said, You could never forgive me. And I looked up at him, I had lots of emotions, lots of anger, lots of hurt, but I knew that day I was making a choice. And I looked at him and said, ‘You have gone too far,’ but I’m going to tell you today that I will forgive you. And those were the last words I ever spoke to him.
You know, when I was in that emergency room and I was making a decision to heal, it didn’t mean I felt like it, because I didn’t. It didn’t mean that I didn’t have pain, because I did. But I knew I was going to have to walk this journey out, and forgiveness was a very, very big part of that. But I can honestly say that very first night, I prayed that my ex-husband would not be scared when he was in jail that night. I prayed that the angels would surround him and that he would feel God’s presence because I knew he would be there for a very long time. And, as I walked through forgiveness, I had to learn to forgive myself. I had to forgive well-meaning Christians and friends who had said, Stay, stay, believe, believe, because they didn’t know the circumstances, and God doesn’t want us in situations like that. I had to forgive God. Not that God needed my forgiveness, because God doesn’t need our forgiveness. I needed to forgive him, because those questions of where were you?
Kimberly Haar (27:14.134)
Why didn’t you stop this? This isn’t fair. And then I had to forgive myself, going back to when I was divorced. After all, I felt like I had failed my family. I had failed my children. Now, I didn’t, but I felt like I had let them down. I felt like I had failed my ex-husband because trauma has a way of making us blame ourselves and say, What did I do to cause this? And I had to forgive myself. I had to forgive myself because I was a licensed marriage and family therapist. And here I’m telling other people how to work on their relationships, and mine ended in this way. And then I had to walk through forgiving even the woman who was involved with my ex-husband. I had to forgive her. And so, each one of those was done layer by layer. And even today, eight years later, if I am reminded of something, I just get to remind myself I’ve made a decision to forgive. And I’m not going to put that name tag on that says I’m unforgiving or I’m angry or I’m bitter or hostile because I don’t want that umbilical cord between me and anybody else. That umbilical cord of anger and unforgiveness ties me to somebody, and only we can cut that cord.
Rachael Adams (28:28.014)
I’m thinking of the woman listening who needs to forgive or is just in a season of excruciating pain for whatever reason. What is one simple step that she could take today to begin her own journey of healing?
Kimberly Haar (28:43.476)
Yeah. The very first step is that you’re probably not feeling like forgiving because forgiveness isn’t a feeling. I started by saying, ‘Lord, help me be willing to forgive, because I wasn’t at first.’ It was most likely that there was one person whom I held onto and I did not want to forgive. Inside, I wished ill will on them. And I started by saying, ‘Lord, I am asking you to tenderize my heart and help me with just the step of being willing to want to forgive.’ So I think it’s just about making that beginning statement, ‘don’t try to jump to step six in a process when you’re at step one.’ And when you just surrender to the Lord and say, Father, I’m hurting and I don’t know how, He will show you.
Rachael Adams (29:33.754)
You mentioned earlier that there was a community around you that helped. Still, I think oftentimes when people are going through trauma or some challenging experiences, we don’t really know how to best support them if we haven’t gone through that same thing. And so, what would your recommendation be for supporting loved ones or people we know who need to go through that healing process, or those who are suffering?
Kimberly Haar (29:57.833)
Yeah, that is such a good question, Rachel. I believe that the most valuable thing we can offer is the gift of presence and silence. Because too often, you know, when somebody that we love is hurting, we want to go in there and we want to fix it. We want to cheer them up. We want to say, let’s look at the bright side. Well, at least this didn’t happen. And some of the most healing things I received from my friends were sometimes a friend would bring a meal and leave it on my front porch, and they wouldn’t stay. So I knew that they loved me, because I would often get a text message that said, ‘We’re praying for you today.’ Or somebody would say something like, ‘I’m going to the store.’ Can I pick something up for you? Because when you go through something really hard, it’s normal to want to isolate. And in those beginning days, I wanted to be alone. I wanted to pull away. But when I wasn’t with people, there was this energy. I wanted to be with people. I didn’t want to be alone. But the minute I was with people, I wanted to be alone. And so you’re having to navigate all these emotions yourself. And the very best gift anybody gave me was just the gift of silence. And they sat beside me as I cried, and they just held my hand. And so, don’t try to fix. Don’t try to fill all the silence. Just your presence is such a wonderful gift.
Rachael Adams (31:21.934)
Yeah, I think that’s great advice. You know, this is the question I ask all my guests towards the end of the show, but you emphasize God’s abiding love even in the deepest seasons of grief. So, I’d love to hear: Is there a biblical concept of love that applies to this topic?
Kimberly Haar (31:39.351)
You know, I think the best biblical concept is one that I can tie into my own experience. When you’ve walked it, nobody can argue your experience. And the biblical idea of love is that I look at just how the Lord meets you where you are. He doesn’t ask you, you know, there’s a scripture that says God chases us down. His blessings chase us down.
I didn’t have to go looking for Him. He was there. And when I first saw that pergola, I remember feeling like I needed to take my shoes off because this was holy ground, because Jesus was there. And I think that just the love of God, that is His presence, is just always around us. Psalm 139 says, Where can I go from your presence? When I’m up on the mountain, you’re there. When I’m down in the valley, you’re there. It’s as if there’s nowhere you can go where God is not already present before you. And to me, I think that is the most beautiful love story, even though my story in my book ended up differently. Now, Andrew and I did get married, but honestly, the love story is the love story with Jesus. And let me give a little spoiler about the very last chapter of my book.
On my wedding day, I had already moved out of my aunt and uncle’s house, and I called them. It was around 6:30 in the morning. I said, ‘Close the curtains in the kitchen. Don’t call the police; it’s just me.’ But on the day of my wedding, I went back to that pergola at 6:30 in the morning and put on the music of ‘Dance With Me,’ ‘A Lover of My Soul.’ I closed my eyes and said, ‘Jesus, I always want you to be my first love.’ Because sometimes when we’re going through hard things, we can be on our knees and praying, and we’re like wanting to be with the Lord, but then life begins to go good, and we actually can like, okay, I got it from here, Lord. And our quiet time with the Lord slips away. That morning, I started the day with a dance for my audience of one. And I ended that day in the arms of my husband with our wedding day dance. But that, to me, is just the Lord’s love, which is truly amazing.
Rachael Adams (33:59.055)
What a beautiful story. I’m happy for you and where you are now. And so, tell me something else that you are loving.
Kimberly Haar (34:08.926)
Okay, some of the things I’m loving. One is that I’ve only been married for eight years, and Andrew and I are still madly in love with each other. So I love our date nights, and somehow they always end up at Lowe’s. Somehow, we’re gonna go somewhere, and his truck always makes it. So I will routinely put pictures on my social media. I’m at Lowe’s with the Harz. I love being a grandmother. You know, I can have the worst day, and I’ve got a four-year-old granddaughter, a two-year-old granddaughter, and a seven-month-old grandson. And when I see their faces or hear the words, my youngest one can’t say ‘grandma,’ so she growls and calls me ‘mama.’ But when I hear that, my face lights up. I love praise and worship music. You know, when I say it just bathes, in my car, I’ve got praise and worship music going, and I’m very quick to tears. Music just always moves me. I think my favorite is C.C. Wineyn’s With the Goodness of God. I mean, that’s like my anthem. And then, just for fun, my husband and I – I’m a reality show person. I love watching American Idol.
Rachael Adams (35:12.075)
Okay, yeah, I was watching American Idol when I had my son will like 16 years ago, I’ve always loved it too.
Kimberly Haar (35:19.37)
Well, I feel like this last season, feels like they’re bringing, God’s coming in to American Idol because there are so many either praise and worship leaders that are on it or they’re singing music about the Lord and they’re lifting their hands and I’m just like, this is church.
Rachael Adams (35:34.27)
Yes, yes, I love that too. And to see the stories of people like they’re the behind-the-scenes of their lives, and then what they’ve gone through, and I love to see all that too. Yeah, it’s inspiring. Well, I know I want to stay connected with you. I’m sure listeners will want to, so please tell us how we can best do that.
Kimberly Haar (35:53.143)
Sure. You can visit my website at kimberleharr.com, which is pronounced K-I-M-B-E-R-L-Y, followed by my last name, H-A-A-R.com. I’m also active on social media, including Instagram and Facebook. You can look at Instagram. I’m kimberleharr. On Facebook is kimberleyjhar. My book is available at any bookstore. Just look for me, you’ll find me.
Rachael Adams (36:20.524)
Yes, I will include that in the show notes, but would you pray for us as we close today?
Kimberly Haar (36:25.022)
I would be honored. would be honored. Father, I just thank you that your word says that we can come boldly to your throne of grace in our time of need. Father, I thank you that Jesus is at your right hand, making intercession for us, bringing us before you. Lord, I pray today for every listener who is listening to this podcast. Father, I thank you that you see all the unanswered questions, all the disappointments, all the hurts, and all the losses. Father, and I thank you that you chase the listeners down. Father, wrap your arms around them and let them experience your love like they’ve never experienced it before. Let them feel your presence. Father, bring people into their lives who will speak the right words at the right time. And I thank you, Lord, that when you begin a good work, Father, you are faithful to complete it. I thank you, Lord, that you are helping the listeners rewrite any labels that the enemy has tried to put on them, whether it’s angry and forgiving, whether it’s addicted, whether it’s lost and hopeless. And Father, I thank you that you rewrite those names to hope and a future. Father, that you rewrite it to heal and to make whole. And you’ve given us the names of sons and daughters. Lord Jesus, I just thank you that you are faithful, you are faithful, you are faithful. We love you. And I pray a special blessing over Rachel and her family. Lord, I thank you that you put your protection around them as she continues to bring forth your word, and has the right guests on our show. I just thank you, Jesus. Amen.
Rachael Adams (38:01.268)
Amen. Thank you so much, Kim.
Kimberly Haar (38:03.766)
Thank you, Rachel.
Rachael Adams (38:05.826)
Thank you so much for listening to the Love Offering Podcast. I hope today’s conversation encouraged and inspired you to love God, love others, and even love yourself a little more. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend and leave a review. It helps others find the show and spreads the message of love even further. To connect with me, please visit my website at rachelkaidams.com. While you’re there, be sure to download the Love Offering Calendar, a free resource filled with simple daily ways to love those around you. Don’t forget to pick up a copy of my book, Everyday Prayers for Love, and Kim’s book, Healing from Life’s Deepest Hurts. They are available now wherever books are sold, and we hope they will be meaningful resources for your faith journey. A special thank you to Life Audio for supporting this podcast and making it possible. To find more great podcasts, visit lifeaudio.com. Thanks again for joining us today. Until next time, let’s make our lives an offering of love.
Connect with Kimberly:
About | Kimberly Haar | Grief and Trauma Tools
