I woke up tired, the summer heat already resting on my body, my dogs nuzzling and pawing me to get out of bed, my husband sleeping softly beside me. My sleep had been fitful with strange dreams and interruptions. I could have stayed in bed for hours more, but I could smell coffee brewing—ah how thankful I was to have pre-set it the night before—and I knew that I had precious few minutes of quiet before the rising sun and circadian rhythms woke my sleeping children.
I crept into my kitchen to fill the largest mug I own to the brim and then snuck to my office to pick up my well-worn Bible. In the busyness of summer, I’m limping my way through Psalms. How easily I find myself frustrated for not reading more or making more progress.
More progress. This has been a mindset that has plagued me for years.
“Why is my progress so slow?”
“Why are my gains so little?”
“Why can’t I be more disciplined or consistent?”
I’ve been beating myself up a lot in this particular summer season, whilst a manuscript sits unfinished, and I limp along to write a few words either in the early morning to late nights while sleep rests over our home.
“So slow, not enough. Not nearly enough.”
These words grieve me as I attempt to strike a balance between motherhood, wifedom, and vocation. The perfectionist in me wants to keep the house clean and tidy, meals prepped and the children engaged in some fun summer activity. I want to meet each deadline (or better yet exceed them) and continue doing my deep work in women’s ministry. I want to travel and have fun and enjoy this precious gift of living a redeemed life.
“I want. I want. I need. I need.”
Humorously, while I’ve been reading through Psalms, my husband read through Proverbs, in a day. To be fair, he listened to it, but let’s give credit nonetheless. While I’ve been engulfed in self-loathing over my small and seemingly insignificant gains he walked away with a point from Proverbs 23:4, “Do not wear yourself out to get rich; have the wisdom to show restraint.”
He leaned up against the kitchen counter preparing dinner and smirked, “in a way it’s so contrary to hustle culture.” Everything in our culture tells us to do more, to achieve more, to be better, to gain and to strive.
It’s as if this mindset is hardwired into humanity. It affects our parenting, or homemaking, our vocations, and even our relationships.
“And isn’t my work good? Aren’t I striving for the Lord? Isn’t this holy?”
Certainly, our work is good, often lovely, even holy. But maybe, you, like me, have waded into the dark and murky waters of finding your identity in the toil of your hands—whether that be in your homemaking, your parenting, or your vocation.
The world screams, “hustle.” And the God of the universe beckons, “dwell.”
As we navigate these long summer days, as we wrestle with productivity and activity, we might also rest, sabbath, and allow ourselves grace if our gains feel smaller or slower than we had anticipated. Let us each stop ourselves from falling into the trap of “more” and instead slow ourselves enough to enjoy our precious, whether they be children, spouses, or friends. Let us stop to smell the rose, I mean actually and perhaps awkwardly stick our noses in our neighbor’s rose bushes on sunset walks. Let us stop and instead savor, let us rest and find favor in the one whom the greatest and purest form of favor comes.
About the Author:
Rachel Baker is the author of Deconstructed, a bible study guide for anyone who feels overwhelmed or ill-equipped to study the word of God. She is a pastor’s wife and director of women’s ministries, who believes in leading through vulnerability and authenticity. She is a cheerleader, encourager, and sometimes drill-sergeant. She serves the local church alongside her husband, Kile, in Northern Nevada. They have two amazing kiddos and three dogs. This summer, she’ll be spending the majority of her time paddle boarding at Lake Tahoe or riding her mountain bike on the trails near her home. For more on her and her resources see her website: www.rachelcheriebaker.com or connect with her on Instagram at @hellorachelbaker.
Connect with Rachel:
https://www.rachelcheriebaker.com
https://www.instagram.com/hellorachelbaker/
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