We live in a world that often equates strength with volume. The loudest voice wins the argument. The quickest comeback earns the applause. Standing your ground is celebrated, while gentleness is too often mistaken for weakness. If we’re honest, it’s easy to let that mindset seep into our own lives. We want to defend ourselves when we’re misunderstood. We want the last word when we’ve been hurt. We want to prove our point instead of pursuing peace.
Yet when we look at Jesus, we see something entirely different. He possessed unlimited power, yet He welcomed children into His arms. He touched lepers no one else would approach. He forgave those who nailed Him to a cross. Even in moments of confrontation, His words were always motivated by truth wrapped in love. That is biblical gentleness.
On this week’s episode of The Love Offering Podcast, I had the privilege of talking with Christie Thomas, author of Everyday Prayers for Gentleness. Christie and I are both honored to be part of the Everyday Prayers devotional series through Million Praying Moms, where I also had the joy of writing Everyday Prayers for Love. Our conversation challenged me in ways I didn’t expect, reminding me that gentleness isn’t simply about having a pleasant personality—it’s about becoming more like Christ.
One of the first things Christie shared completely reframed my understanding of gentleness. She explained that gentleness isn’t weakness at all. It’s strength under control—holding back power for the sake of another person. That definition changed everything for me.
Isn’t that exactly what Jesus has done for us? The God who spoke galaxies into existence could have exercised His authority at any moment. Instead, He demonstrated unimaginable restraint. He extended mercy when we deserved judgment. He chose compassion when we expected condemnation. His power was never diminished by His gentleness; rather, His gentleness revealed the greatness of His power.
Christie pointed out something I had never considered before: God Himself is the ultimate picture of gentleness. Every page of Scripture reveals His heart. Though He is perfectly holy and completely sovereign, He patiently pursues His people again and again. That realization makes the fruit of the Spirit feel much less like a personality trait and much more like an invitation.
When Paul lists gentleness among the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5, he isn’t giving us another impossible standard to strive toward. He’s describing the kind of character the Holy Spirit develops within us as we walk with Jesus. In other words, gentleness isn’t something we manufacture. It’s something God cultivates.
That truth brings tremendous freedom because most of us know what it feels like to fail in this area. We’ve all snapped at our children after a long day. We’ve responded defensively to our spouse. We’ve replayed conversations in our minds wishing we’d chosen different words. We’ve typed responses online that reflected frustration more than grace. None of us naturally gets this right. But Christ doesn’t leave us to figure it out alone.
As we spend time in His presence, surrender our hearts to Him, and invite the Holy Spirit to transform us, He slowly changes not only what we say but also the posture of our hearts. The result isn’t pretending to be calm. It’s becoming more like Jesus.
One of the moments that stayed with me most from our conversation was when Christie shared a story from her own life. There was a woman at church who seemed determined to criticize nearly everything Christie did. Every interaction left her feeling discouraged and defensive. Maybe you’ve experienced something similar—a coworker who questions your motives, a family member who seems impossible to please, or someone at church whose words sting more than they should.
Our natural response is often to protect ourselves. We rehearse our defense. We point out everything the other person has done wrong. We convince ourselves that if they would just change, the relationship would be better. But the Holy Spirit began asking Christie a different question. “What if you apologized?” Not because she had intentionally hurt the woman. Not because she agreed with every criticism. But because she was willing to humble herself and acknowledge that she may have contributed to the tension in ways she hadn’t recognized. That simple act of humility changed everything. The relationship didn’t become perfect overnight, but it opened a door that pride would have kept firmly shut.
As Christie reflected on that experience, she shared a phrase that has echoed in my mind ever since: “Humility begins with the words, ‘I might be wrong.’ Those five words are incredibly difficult to say. Our flesh wants certainty. It wants vindication. It wants to be understood before extending understanding to someone else. But Jesus consistently modeled a different way.
Philippians 2 tells us that although Christ was equal with God, He emptied Himself, taking on the nature of a servant. He willingly laid aside His rights to accomplish something far greater—our redemption.
If the Son of God could humble Himself for our sake, surely we can humble ourselves in our relationships. That doesn’t mean we ignore sin, remain in unhealthy situations, or avoid necessary boundaries. Biblical gentleness is never passive. Jesus confronted hypocrisy. He defended the vulnerable. He spoke truth clearly and courageously. Yet even His strongest words flowed from perfect love. That’s the difference. Gentleness isn’t the absence of strength. It’s strength governed by love.
Christie also shared a powerful reminder that challenged me as a wife, mom, friend, and ministry leader: people often remember how we made them feel long after they’ve forgotten exactly what we said. Our tone matters. Our posture matters. Our willingness to listen matters. Especially within our homes.
As parents, we spend so much energy thinking about what we want to teach our children. We want them to know Scripture. We want them to love Jesus. We want them to make wise decisions. Those things matter deeply. But our children are also learning from the atmosphere we create every day. They’re watching how we respond when plans change. How we speak to our spouse. How we handle disappointment. How we apologize when we’re wrong. How we extend grace when someone else fails. Discipleship isn’t limited to family devotions around the dinner table. It’s happening in the ordinary moments of everyday life.
The same is true for all of us. Whether we’re leading a Bible study, serving in our church, working in an office, or chatting with neighbors over the fence, our relationships become a living testimony of the gospel. The world doesn’t simply need more Christians who know the right answers. It needs Christians whose lives reflect the gentle heart of Jesus.
And perhaps that’s one of the greatest opportunities we have today. In a culture marked by outrage, division, and constant conflict, gentleness stands out. Not because it’s weak. But because it looks so much like Christ.
So how do we grow in gentleness?
Not by trying harder. Not by gritting our teeth and promising ourselves we’ll keep our cool the next time we’re frustrated. We grow in gentleness the same way we grow in every other fruit of the Spirit—by abiding in Christ. The closer we draw to Jesus, the more our hearts begin to resemble His. As our hearts change, so do our words. Our reactions become responses. Our criticism becomes compassion. Our defensiveness gives way to humility. Our need to be right is replaced by a desire to love well.
That transformation rarely happens all at once. More often, it takes place one ordinary moment at a time. The next disagreement with your spouse. The next interruption from your child. The next difficult conversation at work. The next frustrating interaction online. These everyday moments become opportunities to pause and pray: “Holy Spirit, help me respond the way Jesus would.”
I loved Christie’s reminder that gentleness isn’t merely something we do—it’s a reflection of who God is. Every time we choose patience over impatience, grace over criticism, or humility over pride, we’re giving the people around us a glimpse of the heart of our heavenly Father. What a beautiful privilege.
As our conversation came to a close, Christie prayed something that deeply moved me. She reflected on the truth that God Himself is the ultimate gentle answer. Instead of pouring out His wrath on us, He poured it out on His Son so that we could receive mercy, forgiveness, and reconciliation through Christ. That is the gospel. The greatest display of strength the world has ever known wasn’t found in domination or control. It was found at the cross. Jesus willingly laid down His life—not because He lacked power, but because His love was greater than His desire to exercise it. When we remember that kind of love, gentleness stops feeling like an impossible command and becomes a grateful response to the One who has been endlessly gentle with us.
Friend, maybe you’re reading this after a difficult week. Maybe you’ve said words you wish you could take back. Maybe you’re weary from conflict or struggling to extend grace to someone who has hurt you. Take heart. God is patient with you. His mercies are new every morning. He isn’t asking you to become more gentle through your own determination. He’s inviting you to remain close to Him, trusting that the Holy Spirit will continue shaping your heart day by day. That’s good news for all of us.
If you’d like to hear more of Christie’s wisdom and practical encouragement, I hope you’ll listen to our full conversation on The Love Offering Podcast. We talk about what biblical gentleness really looks like, how to cultivate it in our homes and relationships, and why this often-overlooked fruit of the Spirit may be one of the most powerful ways we reflect Jesus to the world.
I pray you’ll leave encouraged to embrace the strength of gentleness—not because the world says it’s valuable, but because it reflects the very heart of Christ.
Listen to the Full Episode
You can listen on Life audio or wherever you enjoy podcasts or watch on YouTube.
Connect with Christie Thomas
- Website: https://littleshootsdeeproots.com
- Instagram: @littleshootsdeeproots
- Facebook: Little Shoots, Deep Roots
Connect with Rachael Adams
- Website: https://rachaelkadams.com
- Instagram: @rachaeladamsauthor
- Facebook: @rachaeladamsauthor
- Podcast: The Love Offering Podcast
If this conversation encouraged you, would you share it with a friend? You never know how God might use one simple act of encouragement to point someone toward the gentle heart of Jesus.
