Marriage is one of God’s most beautiful gifts—but it can also be one of the most challenging. Even couples who love each other deeply and want to honor God can find themselves stuck in the same conversations, the same misunderstandings, and the same frustrations, wondering why nothing seems to change.
That’s why I’m so excited to share this week’s episode of The Love Offering Podcast with you. I’m joined by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs to talk about his book Lightbulb Moments in Marriage: 12 Biblical Perspectives for Successful and Satisfied Couples. In our conversation, Dr. Eggerichs shares what he calls “aha” moments—simple, biblically grounded truths that have helped thousands of couples finally see what they were missing.
These aren’t complicated formulas or trendy advice. They’re Scripture-shaped insights that often lead couples to say, “Why didn’t we see this sooner?”
We talk about:
• Why ignorance—not lack of love—is often what fuels conflict
• How one small shift in perspective can break long-standing cycles
• The difference between trying harder and understanding better
• What it looks like to respond with responsibility, not react out of frustration
• Letting God’s Word—not culture—define love, respect, and commitment
Whether you’ve been married a few months or many decades, this conversation is full of wisdom, grace, and hope. Sometimes, it really does take just one lightbulb moment to bring clarity, peace, and renewal.
You can listen to the episode wherever you get your podcasts, and I pray it encourages you to see your marriage—and your spouse—through fresh eyes.
Grace and peace,
Rachael
Listen to the episode HERE
Takeaways
Understanding the dynamics of marriage is crucial for a healthy relationship.
Conflict often arises from misunderstandings rather than ill will.
Lightbulb moments can provide clarity and shift perspectives in marriage.
Each partner’s response to conflict is their own responsibility.
The Holy Spirit plays a vital role in enabling us to love and respect our spouses.
Cultural influences can shape unrealistic expectations in marriage.
Practical steps can lead to significant improvements in relationships.
Communication should be framed positively to avoid misunderstandings.
Women often need to balance their nurturing instincts with respect for their husbands.
Marriage is a journey of continuous growth and understanding.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Love and Marriage
05:46 Understanding Marriage Dynamics
11:36 Lightbulb Moments in Marriage
16:44 Conflict Resolution and Responsibility
22:14 The Role of the Holy Spirit in Marriage
28:00 Cultural Influences on Marriage
33:25 Practical Steps for Improvement
38:58 Closing Thoughts and Prayer
Transcript (AI Generated)
Rachael Adams (00:01.524)
Welcome to the love offering podcast. I’m your host, Rachel Adams.
Rachael Adams (00:07.956)
Welcome to the Love Offering Podcast. I’m your host, Rachel Adams, author of Everyday Prayers for Love: Learning to Love God, Others, and Even Yourself. Each week we gather here to discuss what it looks like to live out the greatest commandment: loving God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and loving our neighbors as ourselves. Through honest conversations, biblical truth, and practical wisdom, my hope is to encourage you to love fully, live intentionally, and reflect God’s love in your everyday life.
Today I’m honored to welcome Dr. Emerson Eggerichs to the show. Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is a pastor, speaker, and New York Times bestselling author who has spent more than 25 years helping couples build healthier, God-honoring marriages. Many of you know him for his groundbreaking work, Love and Respect, which has helped countless couples better understand one another. In his newest book, Lightbulb Moments in Marriage, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs shares 12 biblically grounded truths, which he calls Ah-ha Moments that couples often describe as paradigm shifts. These insights bring clarity, spark understanding, and help couples move forward when they feel stuck. Well, hello, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, and welcome to the Love Offering Podcast. I’m thrilled to have you.
Love And Respect (01:17.122)
Thank you, thank you, Rachel, and for that kind introduction.
Rachael Adams (01:21.28)
As we hit record, I mentioned that I read your book, Love and Respect, 20-some years ago; my husband and I have been married. was at the very beginning of our marriage, and it was transformational for us as a couple to understand our complex love cycle. I’ve done it with small groups and recommended it to many married couples. And so you, you honestly, I’ve wanted to have a conversation with you for a very long time. I’m thrilled you have a new book we can discuss. But I’d love to just hear as we begin the conversation about your own marriage. I’d love to hear more about Sarah and your own journey as a couple with her.
Love And Respect (02:01.006)
We’ve been married since 1973, before you were a thought in God’s mind, Rachel. We’ve been around for a few decades, and the encouraging thing is that I think we’ve made every mistake. And both of us come out of a family of origins. There were over 20 divorces in Sarah’s family. My mom and dad divorced, remarried, and then separated for five years. We have a history that has led us to think through what makes for a healthy, meaningful relationship. How do you have a friendship? You know, what does that look like? I have a PhD in family studies, so it’s always been of interest to me to see the research and best practices. How do you do this thing? Because you see so much pain. And I believe that oftentimes it has nothing to do with ill will. It has everything to do with honest misunderstandings. I often note that we see things through a pink-and-blue grid. Neither one of us is wrong. It’s just different shades of right. Unless it’s a clear, you know, biblical violation, a clear moral violation, a clear legal violation. Most conflicts are, you know, clashing preferences. And I differ on this or that, not because she’s inherently wrong, or I’m inherently wrong. We just see it through a different angle. And that’s what makes for heated fellowship, as we say, but it also reflects what Christ said in Matthew 19, four. He asked, “Have you not read?” He who made them from the beginning made them male and female. And so part of our journey has been to try to appreciate her femininity. I Peter tells me in First Peter three, live with her in an understanding way since she’s a woman, precisely because of her femininity. And what does that mean then for me to understand Sarah as a woman? And, particularly in that text, Peter offers an incentive: if I don’t, my prayers are hindered. And so the challenge for me as a man is to take that seriously, because when I say, no one can understand you, woman, you know, that’s not a biblical idea. So I don’t have a biblical basis for being dismissive like that. So we’ve tried over the years to figure out what the Lord has revealed here, because He’s not a cosmic killjoy out to ruin our marital party. He’s revealed the truth to us. In fact, that book, Love and Respect, is really a systematic theology on marriage. I had the privilege of studying the Bible for almost 20 years, 30 hours a week, in the pulpit ministry in East Lansing, Michigan. I exposited scripture, and that’s when I discovered what God revealed in Ephesians. But the book Love and Respect examines every passage in the Bible for husbands and wives. For instance, 1 Corinthians 13, the love chapter,
Love And Respect (04:52.494)
is about spiritual gifts, it’s not about marriage. In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul addressed marriage. Now, it doesn’t mean that principles don’t apply, but if you’re like me, you sometimes think, oh, that’s a great passage, I’m gonna apply that to the married. Well, it may not be a bad idea, but why not start with what God has revealed in His word to husbands and wives, both in the Old Testament, that still applies to the Christ follower, and post-resurrection, what applies to the believer. And I did a lot of study on making sure that I rightly divided the word of truth, and presto, love and respect are the result of that. Many pastors, in particular, appreciated that. So that’s kind of little bit of our history. Have we done it perfectly? No, Sarah chased me around the house one time with my love-and-respect book, saying, “What would you say to a husband treating his wife the way you’re treating me right now?” I said, “Back away. I just write about this stuff.” I don’t do it.
Rachael Adams (05:39.319)
No, I’m laughing because my, my family would say the same thing. Mom, for you to be the host of the love offering podcast, we’re not feeling very loved right now. So, sometimes we write about what we actually need to live out. Right. And yeah, well, I’m so thankful. Yeah.
Love And Respect (05:57.61)
Exactly. They use it against us, don’t they?
Love And Respect (06:05.07)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, say to people, you, I say this area, you know, I wish I were like Jesus every day, but I tried to run on water the other day, and I still sank.
Rachael Adams (06:14.262)
Yes, it’s so good. I can’t wait to continue today’s conversation, but we’ll take a brief break to hear from today’s sponsor. And when we come back, we’re going to talk about Dr. Emerson Eggerichs new book, Lightbulb Moments.
Rachael Adams (06:34.87)
Welcome back. are talking with Dr. Emerson Eggerichs about his new book, Light Bulb Moments in Marriage. And I think many of the people listening right now would say we want a loving, peace-filled, thriving marriage, but maybe right now we’re just feeling like it’s the exact opposite of that. We’re feeling frustrated, stuck, and even confused. What do you think is the main factor that keeps us from a thriving marriage? Mean, marriage is something that many people aren’t comfortable talking about. You know, maybe we were thinking that everyone else has such a happy, joyful marriage. And then we’re the only ones who are kind of in the funk of this not working. Maybe I married the wrong person.
Love And Respect (07:20.78)
No, that captures quite well what many people feel. The question is: why do we feel that way? And one of the things that I point out that we’ve learned, and I have over these many decades, is that people don’t have ill will. I often ask our audience who we’ve been doing the Love and Respect Conference with, that two-day event. Did it for a long time; on average, 1,800 people came for two days. We were always so honored. We just did one in Chino Hills, California; 2,400 people showed up. So we’ve been very blessed by the response. And one of the things that I say to the audience, I mean, you know, when Sarah and I first met, I didn’t say to Sarah, you know, I hate you, and you hate me, so let’s get married. You know, it doesn’t go down that way. So how is it that at a certain point we are suspicious that we may have married Hitler’s distant cousin? You know, we become suspicious, and partly, well, the point I want to make is: I ask people, do you have basic goodwill?
Love And Respect (08:18.99)
I’m not saying that we have perfect follow-through, but does your spouse get up early in the morning to storyboard ways to annoy and irritate you? The answer is no. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7, verses 33 and 34, the husband is concerned about how to please his wife, and the wife is concerned about how to please her husband. Now, Paul penned Romans, the great treatise on the total depravity of the human heart, but he didn’t say to those husbands and wives, “The reason you’re having conflicts and trouble in your marriage is that if you marry, you will have trouble.” 1 Corinthians 7:28. And then he goes on in verses 33 and 34, saying he’s concerned to please you, and she’s concerned to please you. He didn’t say, well, the reason you’re having trouble is that you’re sinful, you’re selfish, you’re fallen, and you’re on your way to hell apart from faith in Christ. And yet many times today, people say, well, the reason you have all your problems there is that you’re just so sinful and selfish, and there’s truth to that. But as I tried to expose the scripture, I realized Paul was saying something very profound. If anybody knew my fallen nature and condition, it was he. But he appeals to me to remind myself that we are created in the image of God, and that residual effect is still there. And so there can be goodwill. A husband is truly concerned with pleasing his wife. Now that doesn’t mean there aren’t moments when Sarah and I pout and want to be nasty to each other. We’ll even grin when we’re being nasty to each other because we want to be nasty to them. I’m not talking about that snapshot thing, and I’m not talking about abuse. My dad attempted to strangle my mother to death, and I was two and a half, and I witnessed that. My mission has been with well-intentioned couples. If your spouse has evil will, they are violent, they’re trying to kill people. That’s not my audience. It’s up to you, as an audience, to decide whether or not you’re living in that kind of situation. But my situation has involved people with conflicting preferences. Should we save? Should we spend? And when we have these moments, we tend to think the other person is wrong because we know we’re right. But technically, they’re not intrinsically wrong for wanting to save, and you want to spend. It’s just an honest difference of opinion. But over time, we begin to appeal to our spouse to see our reasoning, and they seem to dismiss it. And then we begin to feel they don’t value me because I’ve asked them again and again in different episodes, not just spending and saving.
Love And Respect (10:40.214)
And it seems to me that I’m trying to get through to them, but they’re not hearing me. I must not matter to them. I must not have value to them. And then there’s this undercurrent of resentment that begins to, you know, take place. We may even love and respect each other at one level, but we really don’t like each other. And so now we kind of just live these parallel lives, coming back now to the point you’re making, where we think maybe I did make a mistake? We compare it to other relationships. And we begin to feel like something is missing. There is just this discontent, and the question is: what do you do? I think it really comes down to an honest misunderstanding of each other. That it’s not the ill will that’s causing the tension. It’s a lack of understanding, but we don’t believe we have one. We believe that we see it clearly. And that’s where our mission has been: to help couples have these light bulb moments. Over the last 20 years, people have written to us, saying, “I had a light bulb moment.” I had a light bulb moment, and I can explain a couple of those in a moment, but I want to encourage the audience to realize you aren’t as far away as you may think. You think you’re miles away when the truth is you’re just inches away. And that’s not pixie dust. That’s a true statement I’ve seen repeatedly. People can pivot almost instantly once they realize they were interpreting the situation differently. And the reason they were interpreting differently is that, as a woman, you wouldn’t, 85 % for instance, we’ll get right into it. 85% of those who withdraw in Stonewall are men during marital conflict. 85%, that’s statistically significant. That’s off the charts. That’s as different as, you know, day is from night. And so women can’t imagine shutting down during a marital conflict. You move toward the other person, you start expressing yourself, and if you’ve done something wrong, you say, “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.” Women are more than willing to say, I’m sorry, please forgive me. They want to resolve this. They want to connect. And now he’s walking away. And so there’s no way that he could be a loving human being and walk away. And so she knows she’s right. Well, she’s right in so far as a woman. has hardwired a woman to feel as I’ve just described. But the question is: if a 16-year-old boy gets married and withdraws, is he an unloving boy?
Love And Respect (13:02.166)
Or is there something else going on in his masculinity? And the researchers at the University of Washington who discovered this 85 % statistic had what they call the Love Laboratory, where they had husbands and wives living together, and they had linguists, they had clinical psychologists, they had doctors, and they were measuring beats per minute, BPMs. They were hardwired with medical and physiological equipment. I mean, an in-depth study over years, 20 years actually. They came down and said, “We now know the two key ingredients to successful marriage are love and respect.” And the apostle Paul said that 2000 years ago. But they also discovered that when men are in this conflicted state, their heartbeats reach 99 beats per minute. That’s what is called warrior mode. Either there has to be a fight at that moment or a flight. And that’s the emotion that comes over him the minute someone threatens your life, your husband will be dead in a heartbeat in his attempt to save your life. He can’t help but do that. This is what comes over him. Physiologically, but when that happens in a non-warrior moment, he has to physiologically calm down. And he knows that because it’s gonna escalate out of control. The woman may appear to be having an emotional meltdown. Her heartbeats are normal. Cause all he has to look at her and say, I’m so sorry, forgive me. You’re so sweet. But I was horrible. I need to apologize to you. Forgive me. She’ll always outdo. Okay.
Love And Respect (14:28.844)
So what happens, though, for the woman in this moment? How does she interpret that withdrawal and stonewalling? Could it actually be that in a man’s world, he’s doing the honorable thing that feels hostile to her, whereas she’s confronting and criticizing him because she cares, but appears contemptuous to him? And so she knows she’s caring, not contemptuous, and he knows he’s honorable and not hostile. But you talk about two people who lived that way for 30 years, they’re absolutely convinced this other person is unloving and disrespectful, when the truth is they’re trying to do the loving and respectful thing. Does that make sense, Rachel?
Rachael Adams (15:05.814)
I just had a light bulb moment. Yes. No, it doesn’t make sense that we’re misinterpreting each other’s intentions. Truly. And to your point, your spouse does love you and is trying their best. They’re not ill-willed towards you. And I think I’ve heard before somebody say that humble people can’t fight. And I think for me, so often it’s like when your pride rises up. You know, you gave an example: most of the time we’re willing to say sorry, but sometimes we get stubborn, and sometimes we don’t, and we’re just being prideful. And so, that leads to my next question for you. I think what you were just talking about was your chapter about you’re not wrong, just different shades of right. That kind of conflict resolution, but in your next chapter, you talk about how my response is my responsibility. So, we can’t control what the other person does, but we can control how we respond. I’d love for you to talk about that and reframe conflict in that way.
Love And Respect (16:08.354)
Yeah, and I can, but let me circle back to something I think is important. That’s when we are talking about the husband. Many women will say, “I want my husband to romance me, surprise me, and make me laugh.” She wants the relationship to be more positive. Most husbands, if you ask them, just want a less negative. You have a misunderstanding here: even if some women are listening, you’re thinking, “Well, he may not have ill will, but he certainly doesn’t make me feel special.” And it could very well be. He’s got some serious problems. I don’t know who your husband is. But if the last 10, 15, or 20 years have been negative, you’re always negative when you’re upset. He does not hear you or see you, as if you were saying to him, “I need a strength that only you have to bring healing and happiness to my life.” That I’m coming at you because I need you to do something for me that only you can do. Instead, he thinks the message is: “I want to point out to you again that you’re failing me.” Your son, when he’s married, and 10 years from now, he’s going to interpret that negatively. The University of Washington said that when women are upset, contemptuous gestures are present. Her face sours, her eyes darken, the finger comes out, the scolding finger, hand on the hip, the sigh, and the word choice of contempt just rolls from her lips. Women have said they have to shut their mouth because the words are battering the back of their teeth to get out. But all of that is because she’s trying to get a message through. I’m hurting; you hurt my feelings. If you would just say, “I’m sorry,” I would be the happiest woman on the planet. But it doesn’t get there because you don’t understand what a man feels. No one talks to him like this. No one has those gestures. From a male perspective, he sees this as another opportunity. You’re sending him a message that you can’t stand who he is, and he’s failing you again. So how do two people of goodwill get through that misunderstanding? What needs to take place? Because some women are saying, well, I know he’s not mean-spirited, but there’s not a whole lot of romance. He’s not surprising me. He’s not making me laugh. Well, are you treating him as you did during courtship? So we need to step back and ask ourselves: Do I have the authority here to make a difference? Many people do not believe they do, which falls back on my responsibility. We’ll address it in just a moment. But we reach a point where we no longer believe we have the power to motivate the other person. We don’t have the power to energize them. We don’t have the power to influence them. We don’t have the authority to get our message through. Because we’ve tried every which way. And every woman on the planet will listen to me. She said, well, I see why that sweet thing’s reacting the way she is. He hurt her. And well, yeah, pink gets pink. But every man watching this, well, I’m glad I’m not married to that woman. So, we have an honest misunderstanding. The question on the table is whether or not I am willing, as a woman listening to this, and if you’ve got these outliers of men in there, to take the first step to do something differently. And are you willing to risk that, even though in the short term it may result in another misunderstanding, or that the person is thinking, “What have you been drinking?” What are you, what’s, they’re fearful there’s this, you read another book, and this is going to be short-lived, and this is manipulation, not motivation, and there is a suspicion based on the history. But if in the book, both love and respect as well as light bulb moments, I give scripts and if you’re willing to authentically apply these, because we’ve had thousands of emails from people saying I had a light bulb moment, had a light bulb moment, it really is as easy as I’m suggesting given you’re willing to apply it over a period of time, not just, well, I’ll test out your theory, Emerson. No, no, no, no, no. No, you’ve got to be an authentic human being who does this love offering, giving it unconditionally and with care, with the hope that if this person has goodwill, over the weeks and months ahead, they’ll respond. Why? Because you’re meeting a need that only you can meet. And you’ve got to be married to one bad dude and one bad doodus for him not to respond.
Rachael Adams (20:18.044)
It really is contagious. It goes back to your love cycle. If you treat me this way, I will treat you the same. And you really do respond. And if you don’t, there will be a negative response in any relationship, especially in our daily relationship with our spouse. And to your point, there’s got to be some consistency there.
Love And Respect (20:38.082)
Yeah, and in the literature, it’s called reciprocity, and it’s a very fine line between motivation and manipulation. I’ll scratch your back if you scratch my back. That can be a healthy thing. I’ve got your back, you got my back. That can be a healthy thing. Or it can be: I’ll have your back if you have mine. Now suddenly, we’re putting conditions on this that I will respond to you sexually if you’ll respond to me emotionally. That could be a healthy thing. That we negotiate the continuum of needs. She needs sex, but it’s through emotional connection that’s non-sexual in its motivation. He sometimes wants to be best of friends and talk and talk and talk, but he’s been on the road for two weeks, and he has a need that only you can meet. And he didn’t ask to be made this way with his anatomy. And there is a physiological need for release. And I’ve had wives say to me, he wasn’t talking to me, but I gave myself to him physically, and I enjoyed the sexual act. And he wouldn’t shut up as we lay there in bed. And so again, I’m not gonna defend selfishness, but I am saying that if we come to a point where we begin to say, you know what, I’m gonna make a move in that direction, I’m gonna stay on course and if I honestly seek to meet their need, usually a good willed person is gonna say, you know, I really appreciate that and they start trying to meet you halfway. Will they meet you as far as you want? No, because we live in a fallen world, and if we have a princess syndrome, and I will say among godly women, she was deceived not because of lust, but because of the dark side, she was deceived because she wanted to be more like God, she wanted greater wisdom. Her deception revolves around virtue. Often, men’s deception centers on vice. And what happens is that self-righteousness sets in, and a judgmental spirit sets in. When we are self-righteous, judgmental, and angry, we do so based on what we think is a virtue. And we end up pushing everybody away because we are pharisaical. And that was the number one sin that Jesus Christ couldn’t combat: that pharisaical, self-righteous, judgmental anger. But we don’t see it because we’re self-deluded, because in the deepest core of our hearts, we want what is right. We want what is good. We want what is wise. We want what is of God. We need to be very careful about how we appear to the other person. I mean, Martha and Mary, and Jesus is in the home, and Martha’s doing all the work. And have we ever noticed the two things she says to Jesus? Do you not care?
Love And Respect (22:59.924)
and tell my sister to help me. She tells Jesus Christ, the Son of God, that he doesn’t care. Then she instructs the commander-in-chief on what to do. But I believe this, that account is in Luke. And I think Martha said to Luke, the physician, hey, tell the story of the day that I was an idiot. Because Jesus said, Martha, Martha. I mean, it’s so tender. But that doesn’t dismiss the fact that Martha Goodwill is serving Mary at the feet of Jesus, right? And ignoring her sister. But that is very revealing, very revealing. And I think every woman that I’ve talked with has said, wow, I need to take that to heart. And do it because you love Christ, not because your husband deserves it. This isn’t about what he deserves. This is about you doing what pleases the heart of Christ. And that’s one of the illuminations that we’ve heard, because I talk about doing what we do unto Jesus who stands beyond the shoulder of your spouse. And that has been revolutionary. We’ve surveyed 25,000 people who have attended our conferences, and we use the resulting data to measure spiritual satisfaction. And that went up and stuck, even though their marriage satisfaction scale dropped as a result of maybe discovering their spouse was committing adultery. But their love of Jesus Christ, doing what they did unto Christ, was revolutionary. Now I can come back around to my responses, my responsibility to your original question that I got us off of, more than willing to respond to any questions that may have even arisen there. Rachel, I apologize for going off script.
Rachael Adams (24:32.842)
No, it was a great tangent, and I’m feeling super convicted about a lot of it, but one of the things that you said, no, it’s a good thing. Conviction is a good thing. I don’t feel condemnation, so that’s okay. It’s a good thing. My husband will thank you after this conversation. Will he say, shifted? But yeah, right. Yeah. However, you mentioned the spiritual element. And so,
Love And Respect (24:38.922)
I don’t want you to do that. I don’t want that. Because you’ll never have me back on. Okay, alright. Now we’ll keep it among us. Don’t tell him. Don’t tell him.
Rachael Adams (25:02.324)
I think so often many of these characteristics and qualities that you’re encouraging us in these light bulb moments, we can do some of it in our own strength, but it, it, it occurs to me that we’re going to have to have the Holy spirit in us working in it through us to do what we can’t do on our own. So talk to us about that. The Holy spirit enabling us to act like that. Yeah.
Love And Respect (25:19.522)
It’s huge, huge. I love the fact, yeah, I mean, isn’t it wonderful, and I talk about this in the book, that Jesus refers to the Holy Spirit who came as the helper. And why did he refer to him as the helper? Because I, Emerson Eggerichs need help. And so it’s okay to have that moment of vulnerability and just, Lord, I can’t do this. And Lord, just, I can’t do this. And so that is a very freeing experience. When we talk about these principles and apply them, we must understand them in the context of what Jesus said: apart from you, can do nothing. And he’s not referring to the idea that you can’t tie your shoes without Jesus. This is this deep core issue that as a woman, when you long to be loved and you’re not being loved in the way that you feel you need to be loved, And when your natural default reaction is disrespect toward the man who’s failing to be who you believe God called him to be, now you’re at the core of your being. You’re feeling unloved, and you’re being told to respect. And respect means unconditional positive regard toward the spirit of your husband. You never respect sinful behavior. Peter, who talks about winning your husband through respectful behavior (1 Peter 3:1-2), did not believe that any woman should go along with sinful behavior because he, in Acts 5, stood there in front of Ananias and Sapphira, who lied to the Holy Spirit. And Ananias lost his life, and later Sapphira came, and Peter asked, “Hey, here’s the story.” And she went along with the lie and she died. Peter would never; his own experience was such that his exposition in 1 Peter 3:1-2 needs to be understood in light of that experience in Acts 5. So there’s always a boundary. You don’t tolerate wrongdoing; you respectfully confront it. But it’s not within your nature as a woman to respectfully confront unlovable, unloving behavior. It’s not natural. So we need to have this posture, Lord Jesus, that it isn’t in me. It just is not in me. And then you add to the fact that nowhere in any marital passage, Rachel, are women committed to a God beloved of their husbands. Did you know that?
Love And Respect (27:37.326)
Only husbands are commanded to agape love. When we talk about love offerings, it’s natural for a woman to want to love because it’s in her nature. God doesn’t command her to love because he designed her to love; it’s within her nature to nurture. But he did command her to show respect, both in Ephesians 5.33 and in 1 Peter 3.1-2. And even the 1 Corinthians 13 passage read at weddings, which is about spiritual gifts, not marriage, women are all aglow because it reflects their nature, and they hope that every man there is listening to 1 Corinthians 13. So the challenge for every woman is to reach the point where they realize the Lord has revealed something here that’s very important for me to understand. And that is, it’s probably very natural for me to be disrespectful when I feel my husband is not as loving as he ought to be. And this is where there needs to be a moment of surrendered prayer, Lord Jesus, I don’t have it in me to do this. I don’t want to do this. I don’t feel capable of doing this.
Love And Respect (28:34.902)
All I know to do today is to give you permission to do a work in my heart, and that you be merciful to me, a sinner.
Rachael Adams (28:43.38)
Yeah, and daily. I imagine this is not like praying the prayer once and then you’re done. This is a surrender and something I just read a book on control and how often women, I guess maybe even human beings in general, but we want to control other people, control circumstances, and play God, to your point about even Eve. And so how tempting it is to do that with our husbands. Do you have anything to add on that topic?
Love And Respect (29:14.51)
Well, sure, yeah. And I give women the benefit of the doubt. I don’t like to, yeah, I mean, there are some people out there that are just controlling, but usually it’s rooted in care. It’s that mothering instinct. You just care. Sarah cares for me. She cares for me. But what she ends up doing is mothering me. And I’ve said, I had a mother, I need a lover, I don’t need another mother. But I always give Sarah the benefit of the doubt. And I say to men, you gotta be married to a horrible woman. You have to decide, is she really a Jezebel here? Is she really this bad?
Or is she a caring individual? Every man, you know, says who’s, and every guy knows, no, there’s just no question. She’s virtuous, and she’s caring. And I said, and so when she confronts, you know, I had to remember this dentist and wife I was counseling, well, she confronts me because she’s controlling. I said, I don’t think so. I think she confronts because she cares. No, no, no, he said. She confronts because she’s controlling. I asked her, “Are you confronting me because you are trying to control me?” She’s like, no, this is, as you say, true. I know I come across too strongly, but it’s because I care. think I know what’s best to do here. It’s like Martha toward Jesus. Just, you know, there is this moment every woman has to have. It doesn’t mean you become irresponsible now to somehow show that you, you know, I mean, no, but there is a, here’s the deal. You can’t communicate what you think needs to happen in a disrespectful, negative, or finger-pointing tone. There has to be, hey, you’re a man of honor here. I’m seeing something. Help me, correct me if I’m wrong. And I don’t want to say this in any way that is disrespectful or dishonor to you, but I think you kind of, this is the fourth time you’ve left the kids at the daycare center and they’re out front crying. I mean, that’s an exaggerated illustration, but there comes a moment when you have to understand it’s not the content that he’s reacting to. And it isn’t even that he would see you as controlling, because he would acknowledge in these moments that I’m talking about that she is caring, but the way she sometimes comes across. I just want to say it’s your delivery. You have to deliver in a respectful way, as every woman will say: when Shawnee failed my friend, we did research because we know that when a woman is upset, she often just wants a listening ear. She doesn’t want a solution. But Shawnee called me one day and said, “Emerson, we followed up on that question.” When your husband gives you a solution on the heels of attention where you just wanted a listening ear, here’s the question the solution he gave, was it good? She said 80% of the women said it was a good solution. So, we are disrespectful toward him when he’s just trying to do the right thing. And I say the same thing to the husbands. Is she a loving person? So if you come across harshly, well, I’m not trying to be harsh to stay, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I’m telling you she has a vulnerability here that you don’t.
Rachael Adams (31:44.646)
Yeah, yeah.
Love And Respect (32:04.916)
And you have to reach the point where you believe she wears the pants in the family. She doesn’t want to wear the pants in the family. I’m to tell you that a sexual turn-on to a woman is not the result of her controlling you and wearing the pants. That is a complete sexual turn-off. And I say it in men have light bulb moments. You mean she’s actually sexually aroused by being deferential to me, a loving, humble man who serves her? That’s a turn-on. And it’s not a turn on for her to control you. And I will tell you, she wants arousal, but she doesn’t want arousal simply because you’re trying to get something from her that you haven’t in any way been sensitive to her all day long. It just doesn’t work that way. But here’s the deal. She’s not resisting your leadership. The top priority for women is a spiritual leader. They want their husband to initiate prayer. They want a spiritual leader. They sense that if you’re under the umbrella of Jesus Christ, then she can come under the umbrella of your leadership. She’s not bucking against your leadership; she’s bucking against your lordship. And if you come across her humbly, she’ll respond to your leadership. And you think she’s resisting your leadership, and so now you’re gonna be harsh and angry. She’s reacting to your harshness. She’s reacting to this insensitivity, not to the content. She knows your solution and your insight. So she’s resisting you because of your delivery. And if you have this moment where you have that light bulb moment of, And try this, you just try, I had a, he was the chaplain of the Yankees, BJ Weber, my good friend from the 70s, he’s now in heaven, the Lord has brought him home, but for years he was the chaplain of the Yankees and he was a street fighter in Dubuque, Iowa and he comes to Christ, has this conversion, it’s incredible. And he was talking once about Sheila, his wife, yeah, she just yaps at me, she yaps at me, I said, she’s trying to, I said, BJ, you’re a chicken, and I’m gonna tell you why you’re a chicken. Cause you’re not willing to do what I’m about to tell you to do. Well, what’s that next time she’s coming at you and you think she’s just trying to control you, just say to her, Sheila, you may be very right. And I don’t have wisdom. Can we sit down on the couch and discuss that together? She won’t respond. I said, if you say it with humility and appeal to her to sit down and pray about it, let’s see. She won’t do it. I said, see, I told you you’re a chicken. You don’t have the intestinal fortitude to do this. You’re some big-time street fighter in the Dubuque aisle, but you don’t have enough intestinal fortitude to stop in that moment of heated fellowship and say that to her. But she won’t respond. I said, well, it’s up to you. Two weeks later, Beech, I called him Beech, calls me. You’re not going to believe it. I couldn’t remember what he was calling about. Well, believe what? As you instructed. And then I remember. said, well, what happened? Well, she was coming at me. She was coming at me in the living room. And I said, well, I said to her, well, you told me to say. Sheila, well, you can keep yapping at me, or we can just sit down. I don’t know what to do right here, but we just need to pray about it.
Love And Respect (34:57.346)
She pivoted on her heels, walked over, her shoulders now slumped. She sits on the couch, closes her eyes, and extends her hand, which is the invitation: come down and hold my hand while we pray. He said, “I almost wet my pants.” I was in complete shock, he said. And I said, see? And I said, just men are missing their wives’ hearts. They think these women are resisting trying to control them. No, no, no. They’re trying to connect in the end. They want to do what Jesus wants to do. They want your spiritual leadership. And I’ll tell you, you’re probably going to have a very intimate moment later that evening.
Rachael Adams (35:37.302)
Yes, I often say to my husband, “It’s not what you said.” It’s how you said it. And so I think that goes to what you’re saying. It’s the delivery. It’s our tone. Gosh, that was so good. But we’re to take another brief break and hear a word from today’s sponsor. And when we come back, we’re going to talk about some more aha moments.
Welcome back. talking with Dr. Emerson Eggerichs about light bulb moments in marriage and the aha moments that can bring clarity and hope to everyday relationships. And one of the chapters that you talk about is Hollywood or the holy word. So how do you think cultural expectations quietly shape marriages in ways that couples may not even realize?
Love And Respect (36:19.01)
Yeah, and that’s one of those aha moments at our conference. said, you live by the Holy Word or by Hollywood? And they go, whoa. And it’s not that, I mean, if I weren’t a believer, I’d probably be trying to write a script for the romantic movies because I understand how God has created that appetite in both men and women. And it’s God-given, but it’s not yet. We live in a paradise lost, and we have to understand that idealism and the longing for paradise exist, but we don’t live in paradise; we’re on the other side of Eden. How do we address this reality? Don’t know, some people say, well, the only way I can be happy is letting go of all my expectations. But that’s a despairing and facetious statement. But that’s kind of how people read this. What should I do next? Just let go of all idealism? No, there is a balance, there’s a wisdom. And not the least of which is sometimes we’re sabotaging the very thing that we want, which we’ve been alluding to here, because of our delivery. But we have to come to a point, and I did because I wasn’t raised in a Christian home. Jesus said, man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God. And as a new believer, I had to think that through. And then even in these temptations to Satan, it is written, it is written, it is written. And we know all those scriptures, scriptures inspired by God. And so, in Paul, or excuse me, Peter said, men moved by the Holy Spirit spoke from God. In Ephesians 3, Paul reveals that which is hidden in ages past: he has revealed his holy apostles and prophets in the spirit. Hebrews talks about how he spoke through his son. I had to align all those scriptures, and it came down to this issue: if scripture says one thing and the world tells me to do another, which way should I go? Now it’s not talking about the gray areas where there’s an honest set of options. I’m talking about some heartfelt truths here about adultery, about affection toward another woman that’s not your wife, know, lying, stealing, cheating. There comes a moment when we have to make a decision. I’m going to follow Christ and his word. And if it’s clear, I’m going to live that way. And that means as a woman, for instance, these romance novels, I talk in the book, we’ve got some great friends. They’re some of our best friends.
Love And Respect (38:41.07)
She was on staff at that time with Campus Crusade for Christ. It’s now called CRU. And she had been instrumental in leading 60 women to Christ. As a single woman in ministry, she led 60 women to Christ. Then she was dating the man she was going to marry, and they eventually did get married. I’m getting ahead of the story, but they eventually led 90, they were instrumental in 90 people, 90 couples going into ministry. So she led 60 people to Christ on her own within about a two-year period, I think it was. Over time, they were instrumental in helping 90 couples enter full-time ministry. But she went to see a Barbara Streisand movie. It was a romance, you know, comedy type thing. And it stirred up all those feminine things. Women are hopeless romantics. You’re incurable romantics. And God hardwired you to be that way. There is nothing wrong with that. But if it gets out of control, you will become very discontented, very envious of others, and you may be subject to a man’s advances who pays attention to you and all he wants to do is get you in bed. There is a challenge you face, and it is vulnerable. But anyway, back to this godly, wise woman, someone said to her, she called off the marriage. She wasn’t gonna get married and called it off. And someone asked her, “Are you into real love?” R-E-E-L. Or are you into real love? R-E-A-L. And that’s when she had the light bulb moment. She realized she had gone too far because the man she eventually married is a quiet, godly man who loves Jesus Christ, is good-willed, is a servant, and is caring. He’s got the gift of evangelism. I’ve watched him for over 50 years. He’ll be in a group where he’ll bring the conversation back to Jesus Christ. You talk about a man that’s Christ-conscious, but he’s quiet, and he’s not going to say, we go dancing? You know, it’s just not, and so how do you deal with a situation like that when you have wonderful appetites as a woman? They’re there by God, but at the end of the day, you’re married to Christ, and there’s a wedding feast that’s going to happen, and throughout eternity, those virtuous longings will be absolutely fulfilled, but you’re the wife of the lamb. You’re not the wife of that man. And that’s what Revelation says, we’re the wife of the lamb in Revelation, you’ll see this rich metaphor. How do you live in the not-yet? There isn’t a formula for this, but it ultimately comes down to these core issues. If I know in my heart of hearts, I’m being led by Hollywood, not by the Holy word, and I know it, I know it, then you’re at that crossroads where you have to make a decision. It’s Christ. I will follow Christ. I’m not going to go the way of the world. I’m going to go the way of the Word.
Rachael Adams (41:36.811)
There’s so much in that, but I do think that that is a major problem with movies and with books that we’re comparing our spouses to fictional characters, people that don’t even exist. And that’s just not fair. That’s setting them up to fail. And I think something else I learned early in marriage: I wasn’t close to the Lord. And so I was expecting my spouse to fulfill every need, to fill my heart, because I had that empty void. And then once I developed a relationship with the Lord, my husband’s like, wait a minute, don’t you need me? Like, on, you know, and so it was this huge pendulum shift. And so now we’re just getting more back to the balance of, of having the love of the Lord, and that in my heart, but then also, um, where does your husband fit into that when you are so content with your relationship with the Lord? And so it’s just been such a, yeah, sure.
Love And Respect (42:21.954)
Well, and I have to jump in on that. mean, and that’s what you just revealed is very powerful. We call it the rubber band effect, that when you pull away and not just because you’re pulling away as a mean-spirited thing, but as you move toward Jesus Christ, it has a way of pulling your husband toward you. this is men are not men who do not want a friendship. They want closeness, but they need to feel that they’re needed. And when they begin to feel that they’re not needed in a wholesome sense, they’re going to move toward you. This is inside of them. But if you come across as too needy, they’re gonna pull away. But it’s a wholly wholesome thing to be able to live independently enough that he realizes, I want you to need me, and this is the beautiful thing. As Paul says, I’m writing a book titled “The Win-Win Marriage,” based on 1 Corinthians 7. It’s all about win-win and mutuality. He said, “Let every man have his own wife; let every wife, every woman, have her own husband.” And because of the immoralities, unless you’ve got the gift of celibacy, you need each other. You need him; he needs you. As you become more content in your relationship with Jesus Christ, Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7 that we need to be devoted to Jesus. He needs to be our priority. Marriage, though, creates some added responsibilities. But if a woman is content in Jesus Christ and he, this husband, senses that, he will then be freed up to move towards you and will have a longing to win your heart. This is what he did during courtship. It’s within us as men to win you, to, you know, woo you. That is deep. But if we feel like you’re coming at us to change us all the time and that we’re always failing you, we’ll always go the opposite direction. But there’s a risk in what you did. But at the same time, the beautiful thing there is that you truly were finding pleasure in pleasing Jesus. You were finding contentment in Him. And that’s the call of the godly wise woman. And I will tell you, most men, if they’ve got goodwill and what God’s will, He’ll be moving towards you, peeking around the corner of the door. You’ve got time to spend together today. I was thinking about us going to the hill. You’ll see a gesture. It’s what I call the gesture. He won’t say come through the door. Oh, I love you. You’re the most adorable person on the planet. But you’ll see a gesture that says, “I want to be with you.” Look for the gesture. Don’t look for the poem.
Rachael Adams (44:36.726)
That’s good advice. You’ve given us so much good advice and so many great tools, and I’m mindful of the woman today who thinks her marriage may be too far gone, or that she just wants to improve it. I think we are always open to improvement. We’re gonna be, you know, none of us are perfect, so this is a process, and we can make progress. What is one thing someone could do today to make a difference in their marriage?
Love And Respect (45:03.534)
Well, obviously, I believe in light bulb moments. think they need to hear. I’ve received thousands of testimonials from people saying we had a light bulb moment, an aha moment, or an eureka moment. It’s just like, how did we miss this? And there are 12 in the book, and you may know six of these, but there are maybe two or three that you, wow, this will, it’s just, it is as simple as that. Now, I think we’ve kind of alluded to the fact that there’s a big yes, and then we have to say a whole lot of little yeses. Sarah and I have had illuminations on all these points. But that doesn’t mean that when I get up from hearing Kwa to be with you, that we’re not gonna have a moment of heated fellowship. But we don’t lose it like our families of upbringing. They went way outside the boundaries because they didn’t know how to do this dance. We know the dance. And so we know what to say the little yes to. But if you don’t have that information, if you don’t have a little knowledge and maybe just a little skill that we give to you, then you’re gonna have this misunderstanding, and it’s just gonna lead to this confusion and even that defeatist attitude that you talked about And I would challenge the woman who thinks, it’s just no point. Well, maybe, maybe he’s an evil-willed man. Maybe he really is a horrible person. But is that his reputation? Or, well, he just projects he’s a wonderful person. Maybe. But then again, do you really want a relationship? Rachel, I would never predict this. I’ve had women tell me, I had a story to tell all my girlfriends because I solicited empathy. And the story I told is I had a bad marriage, and everybody was empathetic toward me, even online; people were empathetic toward me. I had a story to tell, and I told it. But then they told me they really didn’t want a relationship with their husband. They were misleading people. They were using that as a false front because they were getting more energy from the empathy they were receiving from friends, and they didn’t really want a relationship. And that’s why I would have never predicted that. And I had several women tell me that in a short period of time. And I said, I would never have figured that out on my own; I would never have figured that out without women telling me that. I want to encourage the woman out there who may be in that camp to step back, because this isn’t about your marriage; it is about Christ and you pleasing him. I believe you’re listening to Rachel because you have a longing to know and love Christ, and I want to encourage you along that path. But others out there who think that they’ve tried everything and it just doesn’t work, and you don’t want your hopes to get up only to be shattered again, that’s what this book’s all about. I think you’re not miles off, you’re inches off, and that’s not pixie dust.
Rachael Adams (47:28.084)
Yeah. Do you recommend reading it together as a couple? I mean, is that the way? No. no. Okay.
Love And Respect (47:32.47)
No, that was a little bit too quick. You can’t hand your husband a book and say, read this. if the history of the relationship is that he thinks you’re up to something, here, read this because you and I both know I’m the more loving person, and this book is for you to change. If he’s hearing it that way, but if you frame it from the standpoint, I think I’ve done things that have really dishonored you. And I didn’t intend to because I love you more than my life itself. And I’ve read some of these light bulb moments that just really got to me, that I think I’ve really fallen short of meeting some of your needs. Would you be willing to read a couple of chapters here to confirm that that’s the case? Now here’s what I say to women. Most women probably watching this are willing to die for Jesus Christ. You would not deny Jesus Christ. You’ll go to your death. And I say the same thing to men. Most of you men here would die for your wife. The question is, do you have enough courage to live with her? And the men laughed because you’ve got more courage to die for her than you do to do what I’m telling you to do. How does that make sense? But it’s true. What I just said is true. And it’s true also, the women listening to me have enough faith in Jesus Christ that they’d be faithful unto death, but they don’t like their husbands. They love Jesus, but they can’t stand their husband. So when we are challenging them to say to their husband, “Hey, I see some things in my life that I’m really failing at.” I’m failing to honor you. And I don’t have a hidden agenda here. Yes, I’d like you to take a look at things too. But I really would like to read several of these chapters. Please point out where I can make changes. I believe I’ve been unfair to you and have dishonored you. Pat Riley, who is the president of the Miami Heat and a well-known coach of the Los Angeles Lakers with Magic Johnson, invited me down several years ago and flew me in a private jet. We spent several hours in private discussing love and respect because he understood the message. He said he was so overwhelmed by it. said, “I’m going to ask you to speak to the Miami Heat team.” said, “I’ve never asked anyone to speak to any of my teams.” Thousands of people have asked to speak to my team. Always say, “No, you’re the first person I’ve asked to speak to the team.” But he and I spent five hours together discussing how men respond to honor and justice. And when you treat men honorably and justly, they’ll serve and die. But when you dishonor them and try to motivate them by treating them unfairly, you have mutiny. They’ll jump ship, or they’ll throw you overboard. And the innocent mistake women make is that they come across dishonorably, disrespectfully, in a way that doesn’t feel fair. So if you hand that book to him and he thinks, “Is all,” what you’re really doing here is saying this isn’t fair. You’re just trying to change me. He’ll immediately resist. And if you send a message of dishonor, he’ll resist. But if you say to him, “I think I failed to honor you and I’ve treated you unfairly, and I’ve seen some things in this book that have awakened me to that,” he will respond. And then the question for you as a woman is, do you have enough courage to do that? You have the courage to die for Jesus Christ, but you’re so vulnerable in the romantic area, and you’ve been hurt so many times, but I’m going to challenge you; it’s a new day. It’s a different day. You’re a Christ follower, and you’re not going to be the worst for the wearer. We’re just talking about mere social ostracism at worst.
Love And Respect (50:52.972)
The worst thing that’s gonna happen is he’s gonna walk away from you and say, I’m not interested. That’s the worst thing that’s gonna happen. But you need to go on record for eternity’s sake that you did this righteous, godly thing, but I also have a hunch. And here’s the deal. He might not say, “Well, that was well said,” and want to discuss it. Women are expressive in response. I was wondering. He may just be quiet, but watch what happens over the next 24 hours. Women just don’t read it correctly. They just don’t see it, but watch what happens as a result of your conversation with him. Just watch it. Now, don’t look at it from the standpoint of getting flowers on the kitchen table. Not gonna admit it, but just watch what happens. And women have said to me, “I was oblivious to what was going on.” Yes, in our world as men, when we’re having heated fellowship with my best buddy, and we’re really angry at each other, we say, it forget it. And we exit. And then, several hours later, I may call him: “Hey, you were building that shed on Saturday.” Do you need some help? I don’t say, you forgive me for my word, or he doesn’t, no, I don’t want to meet on Saturday. We need to meet and discuss my concerns. You hurt my feelings. It’s just not gonna happen. It’s the gesture, and in our world, it’s in the honor code. We’re making that gesture. saying, hey, everything’s okay with me. I was wrong. I wanna serve you. Is everything okay for you? And you say, hey, that would be great. In fact, stay until noon, and I’ll fry those steaks that I got the other day. I say to women, watch what men are doing with each other. And then if he does that toward you, you need to realize he’s an honorable man doing what he thinks is the loving thing as an honorable man. And he’s being completely misread because it wasn’t good enough. And the number one thing men say is, I can never be good enough. Number one thing, I can never be good enough. Why does a man feel like that? Because in his world, when you interpret it through blue, what pink is doing, the statement is, and no one’s making it like she is, he’s not good enough. We need to shatter that false narrative, and you have to use the language I’m talking about here. And it’s not natural, because your heart is meant to talk about love. God designed you to love you. You love to love. You can’t love. And I say to women, look at how many times you’ll say the word love to the kids. Love you, love you, love you, bye. Love you, love you, mom. Love you, love you, love you, love, love, love, love, love, love, love. It’s incessant because it’s in your nature. It’s not in your nature to say, have I been dishonorable you’ve been conditioned to believe that that’s going to be dismissive of you, and you’re going to become a doormat. And there are all these scripts that are coming out of the culture, not scripture, but the scripts that have conditioned you to protect yourself. And I’m not going to be treated with disrespect, and I’m not going to be… It’s an ongoing mantra. And you have to step back and ask, “Wait a minute, have I been misled here?” And is God really empowering me to win my husband, Peter says, win his heart, but you have to win it in a way that calls you to be obedient to the revelation that has been given.
Rachael Adams (53:56.139)
This is just so important. mean, even within my own relationship. As you mentioned earlier, my son is watching how our daughter is watching, and then their future families and how they treat one another. God thinks the family so much. And of course, the enemy is going to want to destroy those families. And so the work that you were doing, I think, is just so important, and the impact can be so exponential, and so I know I want to read the full book, and, and, and make some of these changes, all of the changes that you have recommended today. I’m sure all of those, I know we need to talk to Sarah, right?
Love And Respect (54:31.118)
We’re in process. You’re not going to make it; I wrote the book, and I’m still not applying it all. So let’s take that weight off. Yeah, we can. Yeah, exactly. That’s exactly what she’ll tell you. She’ll tell you exactly the fact that our conference is the first 15 minutes, all the women, we have 2000 people in the auditorium, all the women, Sarah’s in the front pew there. They’re all watching her. Because women look at the countenance of the female, they determine whether they wanna listen to me. Because you all understand your plight. You understand the “and,” “but,” and “yeah,” Sarah will be the first to acknowledge that Emerson doesn’t walk on water. But at the same time, you know, we’re in process, and I want to not cause someone to feel despair, particularly if they’re under conviction. I’ve made all those mistakes. Everything you’ve said has made. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
Love And Respect (55:26.742)
And so just be restful. He who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Christ Jesus. He is the helper. And so the greater degree of a conviction, not condemnation, as you said, the more you will just open your heart to him, give that over to him, and just be restful, just relax. We’re in process. Now there need to be these moments if some of you really violated that to confess, but nonetheless, as she just said, know, wow, you know, just breathe softly and.
Rachael Adams (55:55.659)
Grace, Yes. Please tell us how we can stay connected with you. I’m sure listeners are going to want to; they’re going to want to pick up all of your books. Please let us know how we can best stay in contact with you.
Love And Respect (55:56.376)
Relaxed. You’re okay. You’re going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.
Love And Respect (56:09.858)
Well, loveandrespect.com, L-O-V-E-A-N-D-R-E-S-P-E-C-T.com, loveandrespect.com. There’s a lot of free content that we’re gonna be putting out there. We have a community, it’s a subscriber community, but there’ll be a lot of, stay tuned because we’re gonna put, we’ve had video clips that have gotten three million views. We’re putting all the favorites on our website. That’s coming, so stay tuned. If you go there, you’ll see a subscription; don’t be discouraged, but it’ll fluctuate a bit. There’ll be so much content and then you have to decide whether you want to join my community. I believe that when people invest, they pay attention. When they pay, they pay attention. Over the years, when we’ve given our conference free to people, they show up late and leave early. When there’s a small investment, they pay more attention. For instance, and we are felt need to be driven. If I said, here are three ways you can get your husband to love you versus here are three ways you can meet your husband’s need for respect. Which one of those two articles are you gonna read? We’re all self-focused, and so, yeah, no, I know the answer to that because that’s true for all of us. But biblically, God is calling me to do something specific. How to get your wife to respect you versus how to love her as Jesus Christ calls you to do. Every man’s gonna lean toward the, so I said we have to then be principle-driven, but people are not gonna wanna pay attention to that. So I have this community, people say, look, we’re gonna be principle-driven. We’re gonna be on both sides of those equations.
Rachael Adams (57:12.97)
So am I going to be honest? Yeah. Yeah.
Love And Respect (57:39.042)
But if I’m just always giving away free, you’re gonna always lean toward the felt knee stuff, and you’re not gonna listen to what I believe is the key to you experiencing love as a woman. So anyway, that’s what I’m up against.
Rachael Adams (57:50.592)
Yeah, well, we’ll include all of those links in the show notes. But as we come to a close, would you do us the honor of praying for us?
Love And Respect (57:58.274)
Yes. Father, I come to you through Christ Jesus as these godly, wise women do as well, and we’re grateful that we have access to you through Christ himself, who went to the cross for us. And there’s a new day coming, and we are fellow heirs with Christ, that Jesus, everything you inherit, we inherit. You’re the one who went to the cross. You who knew no sin became sin on our behalf. That your righteousness was imputed to us and our unrighteousness was imputed to you, and you have the holy audacity to give us everything you’re going to receive. Lord, that just isn’t right. But you’re doing it because of your love for us. And may all of us realize that we are fellow heirs with you, and that whatever suffering we’re going through right now, there will be one day coming when there will no longer be any tears. Every tear will be wiped away. So that woman who is burdened She’s been in a marriage for decades that has not been fulfilling. Her husband could be having addictions, any number of issues, as my mom encountered with my dad. I empathize, I understand. But there are other women out there who are hearing a new message, and you want to empower them. You want them to be a godly woman of influence. And I pray that these light bulb moments that we have teased her with, that she would be really hungry to make a pivot and to influence the relationship in the way that she longs for as a woman that you’ve designed her to be. You put this within her. That is not to be attacked and shamed. This is for you. But how does she experience more of those, and how is she to ensure some of those needs are met? Lord, I believe there’s a way, but it isn’t natural, it’s counterintuitive, it’s even countercultural. I know she wants to be a woman of her word, not a woman of the world, and I pray that she will be open and not afraid. Don’t let fear, Lord, control her. May she not let fear control her. Through Jesus Christ, we pray, amen.
Rachael Adams (01:00:16.626)
Amen. Well, thank you so much.
Love And Respect (01:00:17.58)
And did I thank the Lord for Rachel? I didn’t thank the Lord for Rachel. What a poor pastor. I did not thank the Lord for Rachel. Lord, we thank you for Rachel, her vision, her ministry. Continue to have your hand upon her. Use her to make a difference for Christ and for the kingdom. Amen.
Rachael Adams (01:00:34.446)
Amen. Thank you. Thank you for your time today and all of your wisdom. I know I’ve been encouraged, and I’m confident that everybody that tunes in will be as well. Thank you.
Love And Respect (01:00:44.494)
You’re welcome.
Rachael Adams (01:00:46.25)
Thank you so much for listening to the Love Offering Podcast. I hope today’s conversation reminded you that sometimes a new way of seeing can change everything. If this episode encouraged you, I’d appreciate it if you could share it with a friend and leave a review. It truly helps others find the show and spreads the message of Christ-centered love. To connect with me, visit my website, Rachael K. Adams, where you can download Love Always, my free resource to help you practice simple, intentional love in everyday life. Be sure to pick up a copy of Light Bulb Moments in Marriage by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and explore his other resources designed to help couples grow an understanding, grace and hope. A heartfelt thank you to Life Audio for supporting this podcast and making these conversations possible. To discover more great faith-based podcasts, visit LifeAudio.com. Until next time, let’s make our lives an offering of love.
Connect with Dr. Eggerichs:
https://www.loveandrespect.com/
