Marriage can be one of the most beautiful gifts God gives us—but it can also be one of the hardest. Between busy schedules, parenting, finances, and the daily pressures of life, it’s easy to lose sight of the connection and joy we once dreamed of having.
This week on The Love Offering Podcast, I had the privilege of talking with Chelsea Smith about her new book, I Do Today: A 52-Week Interactive Guide to Building a Marriage You Love. After twenty-five years of marriage, Chelsea offers wisdom that’s both practical and grace-filled, reminding us that a thriving marriage isn’t built overnight—it’s built one day, one decision, and one conversation at a time.
In our conversation, we discuss:
*How to stay connected through every season
*Ways to strengthen your emotional and physical intimacy
*Why small, consistent acts of love matter more than grand gestures
*Simple activities to bring fun and laughter back into your relationship
Whether you’ve been married a few months or a few decades, this episode will inspire you to choose your spouse—and your marriage dream—again and again.
🎧 Listen to my conversation with Chelsea here.
Let’s keep choosing love today and every day,
Rachael
P.S. If this episode encourages you, share it with a couple who could use a little reminder that love grows best when tended daily.
Summary
In this episode of the Love Offering Podcast, host Rachael Adams welcomes Chelsea Smith, a pastor and author, to discuss the complexities of marriage and family life. Chelsea shares her personal journey, including her love story with her husband, the challenges of parenting, and the transition into an empty nest. The conversation emphasizes the importance of making daily choices to love and invest in marriage, practical tips for strengthening relationships, and the power of forgiveness. Chelsea’s new book, ‘I Do Today,’ serves as a guide for couples seeking to enhance their marriage through intentional practices and reflections.
Takeaways
Marriage and motherhood are the most fulfilling and difficult experiences.
The empty nest phase can come sooner than expected.
Investing in marriage is crucial for long-term happiness.
Everyday choices can lead to significant transformations in marriage.
Communication is key to resolving misunderstandings in relationships.
It’s important to be intentional about spending quality time together.
Forgiveness is a vital aspect of love and relationships.
The enemy often attacks marriages, making it essential to stay vigilant.
Basking in God’s love can empower us to love others better.
Marriage requires ongoing effort and commitment, not just an initial choice.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Love and Marriage
02:10 Chelsea’s Journey and Family Life
04:48 Navigating the Empty Nest
09:14 The Reality of Marriage and Motherhood
12:26 Chelsea’s Love Story
15:30 Heart for Marriage
19:06 Everyday Practices for a Stronger Marriage
23:49 The Choice of Love
28:37 Transformative Practices in Marriage
31:51 Testing the Principles of Marriage
35:50 Encouragement for Struggling Marriages
38:46 The Power of Forgiveness
Transcript (AI Generated)
Rachael Adams (00:01.466)
Welcome to the love offering podcast. I’m your host, Rachel Adams, author of Everyday Prayers for Love, learning to love God, others, and even yourself. Each week, we dive into meaningful conversations about how to live out the greatest commandment — loving God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength — and loving our neighbors as ourselves, whether through inspiring stories, practical tips, or biblical truths. I hope to encourage you to love boldly, live faithfully, and reflect God’s love in your everyday life. Today, I’m excited to welcome Chelsea Smith to the show. Chelsea is a pastor speaker, and co-leader of Church Home alongside her husband, Smith. Known for her warmth, authenticity, and humor, Chelsea offers encouragement to countless couples seeking stronger, more joy-filled marriages. In her new book, I Do Today, a 52-week guide to the marriage you’ve been waiting for, Chelsea. Chelsea helps couples turn their marriage dream into a marriage reality one day, one decision, and one conversation at a time through practical reflections, prompts, and activities. She equips couples to build connection, trust, and laughter week by week. Well, hello Chelsea, and welcome to the love offering podcast. I’m so happy to have you.
Chelsea Smith (01:54.99)
Hi Rachel. I’m so excited to be on here, and your warmth and presence are just so fun, and I’m so happy to have a conversation with you. I feel like we’re gonna end up with a phone call that sounds like two girlfriends chatting over life, and just get into it. So I’m really, really excited about this conversation.
Rachael Adams (02:14.558)
Me too. Well, I know I want to get to know you better, and I know everybody else does, too. So give us just like a synopsis. Who are you? Where do you live? What’s your daily life look like?
Chelsea Smith (02:25.83)
Man, daily life. We live between California and a town about an hour outside of Seattle. We get country and city, and we divide that up. I have no idea how we got here, but we did. The best thing I’ve done with my life is my almost 26 years of marriage to my husband, who is my best friend and the person who drives me crazier than anyone else in the world. My adult children give me a run for my money in the level of craziness they can drive me to, and the amount of love I have for them. I have three kids. I don’t know, Rachel, where adult children begin, where teenagers end, and where children end. So I don’t know what category to put them in. Our oldest son is 21, and he is living at home, he’s working, and he’s an incredible human whom I just really enjoy. Our middle son is 18. He is a freshman in college, living in the dorms and figuring out that, even though my cooking isn’t great, it’s better than cafeteria food. And our daughter is 16. She’s a high school junior, playing volleyball and just living her best life. So we’re in this transition season. And on top of that, I get to be a co-lead pastor and lead theologian at Church Home, which is our church that we
Rachael Adams (03:33.842)
Hahaha!
Chelsea Smith (03:50.648)
We’ve been overseeing for 16 years, which is wild. Time goes way too fast. And day-to-day life mainly consists of, I have a fantasy of a routine, but it doesn’t exist. And each day, each week, each month is different. And when I try to complain to God about it, I remember that this is actually the life that I signed up for. As much as I crave and fantasize about routine, I would get a little bored with it. So that is life. And you get it, you have teenagers. It is wild when they have their own life and schedule. You have to yield to them and their schedule at times, which feels wild. You’re starting to enter that season.
Rachael Adams (04:35.044)
Yes. Yes. I’m nodding my head the entire time that you’re talking because I feel so much of that. My husband and I have been married for 20 years in April. And so we’ve got a yes. Yeah. Thank you. But you’re right.
Chelsea Smith (04:38.06)
Hahaha!
Chelsea Smith (04:45.026)
Congratulations.
Rachael Adams (04:50.756)
I joke, but I mean it when I say I feel like motherhood and marriage are God’s way of sanctifying us. It is trying to make us more holy. Be like, we’ve got to keep loving when we don’t feel like we can anymore, and forgive, extend mercy, grace, and all of those things. And our spouses and our children have to do the same thing for us. Yeah. Yes.
Chelsea Smith (04:57.038)
Where?
Chelsea Smith (05:06.777)
Yep. Yep. Yes. It is. Marriage and motherhood are the most fulfilling and challenging things I’ve done in my life. And we have a reasonably demanding job, but hands down, marriage and motherhood are the most complex and fulfilling things I’ve done with my life. And hopefully that I will ever do. I don’t think I’m signing up for anything else that’ll be that hard or that fulfilling.
Rachael Adams (05:25.522)
Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Well, I’m thankful you’ve written a book to help us. And so I was telling you that, now that my kids are getting older —though they’re not out of the house yet —it does feel like we’re entering this emptiness stage a bit. We’re having lots of meals at home together on the weekends. We’re looking at each other, like, “Okay, our kids are both busy.”
Chelsea Smith (05:36.323)
you
Rachael Adams (05:54.249)
So what are we gonna do with our time? What are we gonna do together? Which is like, know, when we were joking even last night as we were having dinner alone, like, well, when they were toddlers, we couldn’t wait to be like, we can’t wait to have dinner alone. And now we’re like, we’re our kids, we miss them.
Chelsea Smith (05:54.742)
What are we gonna do?
Chelsea Smith (06:09.217)
Yep. Our kids just get so enjoyable to hang out with. They become our friends, and then that’s when they get so busy and leave us. But do you feel like this season has come sooner than you expected it? Like you said, when they’re toddlers, you’re wishing for that. But it feels like a million miles away that the beginning of this empty nest season is going to happen. And for me, it just came sooner than I expected.
Rachael Adams (06:16.306)
Yes, yes.
Rachael Adams (06:37.982)
It absolutely has. And it’s taken me by surprise because Will just got his driver’s license. And so I didn’t realize how much quality time we spend in the car together. Um, and then, so even, even little things like just, I’m not taking them to school. I’m not picking them up from school and talking, taking them back and forth to practices, and all that. And so, um, yes, I did not think that it was going to start in high school. Nobody really warned me. And so here’s the PSA for those listening. Get ready, like my heart aches a little bit.
Chelsea Smith (06:47.534)
Yes.
Chelsea Smith (07:04.91)
Yeah.
Rachael Adams (07:07.956)
And you know, even though I’m so happy they’re so fulfilled and they’re, you know, doing really well and life is good. I’m not trying to do a swan song, but I’m in a weird, funky state if I’m being honest.
Chelsea Smith (07:14.509)
Yeah.
I know it’s such an interesting point, and as a follower of Jesus, I was under the impression —maybe this wasn’t just you. Still, maybe there are a couple of other listeners who felt this way: that if we’re happy —if we have a sense of joy, peace, contentment, and fulfillment —that means we’re doing the right thing. And if we aren’t, if we don’t have those, then we aren’t doing the right thing. But we just moved. When we moved our son out to college, he’s going to an incredible university —Christian University. It’s wild —they went to public high school, but he’s going to a Christian University. I really love the juxtaposition of that. I know we prayed about it. I know he is doing what he’s supposed to be doing. I know it’s the right thing. But there is still such an ache in my heart, and I miss him. And I actually just called him last night. He’s like, Sorry, Mom, I haven’t called you in a while.
But it’s interesting that feeling that I know this is right. Know everything about this season, and it is what it is supposed to be. But there is still an ache in my heart over it. And sometimes I wasn’t entirely prepared. Sometimes we’ve been trained that if there’s an ache in your heart, you need to examine it, feel like something’s wrong, and wonder what needs to change. But sometimes it’s just life and seasons, and an opportunity to say, okay, God, I think I need to get closer to God, get closer to our husband, to make those changes, but it doesn’t mean something’s wrong just because you have that ache in your heart. Do you feel that way, or did you feel like you were told that story at all, or is that just me?
Rachael Adams (08:50.416)
I’ve been told that story. And in fact, we were just talking about in Bible study today, even obedience is that way. And we were talking about that, like, well, if God told me to do this, then it’s going to be easy and peace-filled. But really, that’s actually the opposite. We were just having the same conversation earlier today that often it’s sacrifice and selflessness and you’re scared to do what he’s calling you to do. And you don’t feel equipped to do what he’s calling you to do, but you still need to walk forward and move forward in it anyway, because you know that that’s what
Rachael Adams (09:20.32)
God has commanded. So, I do, I think certain situations are different. I don’t think that’s like a cross-the-board, blanket statement, but, but yeah. And we’re moving into a new season. Any new season is tricky, but we’re constantly evolving, changing, and growing. And this is just another growth season for me. And I just wasn’t, I just wasn’t quite ready for it, but I’d better get ready and adjust. Right.
Chelsea Smith (09:47.502)
Yeah, it’s coming whether you’re ready for it or not. So if we can’t get prepared for it, ready or not, here it comes. As women, our lives are in seasons. It’s just, especially evolving around our kids if we have chosen to have children.
Rachael Adams (09:51.044)
Ready or not.
Chelsea Smith (10:03.97)
Those seasons come and go, and they do change. And it is just the reality of this beautiful, wonderful life. You wouldn’t have it any other way. You don’t want to stunt your kids. You don’t wish to not have them. You don’t want to… And so you’re grateful for it, but there is that just that changing of seasons that sneaks up on you, which is why I think it’s so important for us to always be investing and sewing and preparing because those seasons will come. Even with Book I do today, it’s like, yeah, you invest now into the season that you know is coming because we can’t keep the change from happening. There are a lot of things we can’t do to ease some of that heartache, but we can make those changes and seasons easier, and we can be better prepared for them.
Rachael Adams (10:55.75)
Yeah, well, you need to write a motherhood book next. That’s what I need from you. That’s what I’m telling you. That’s your next project.
Chelsea Smith (11:01.993)
Oh my gosh, I don’t know. Felt like 20, oh gosh, don’t know. Feel somebody else has said that to me, and I was like, feel like, okay, 26 years of marriage, like we’ve been through enough, and we still love each other enough and like each other enough that I finally felt like, okay, I feel like I have something to say about this, and it’s not all good. It’s a lot of the, you’re in the book —you’re going to hear a lot of things we did wrong and learned the hard way. But I, but I feel like I got there with parenting. I feel like I’m still in the thick of it.
Rachael Adams (11:36.541)
Yes. Yeah. Well, I know —I’ve said this before on the podcast —but there was a social media meme that said, “Be patient with your parents.” It’s their first time living, too. And it’s so true. I’ve never parented two teenage kids, and I know I’ve never parented two college-aged kids before. Like, I don’t know what I’m doing. And my parents, and our parents, were the same way. And the same could be said of many of our relationships. We’ve never done this before. And so be patient with yourself, be patient with other people. We’re doing the best we can and thank God for grace.
Chelsea Smith (12:12.844)
Yep. Isn’t it wild, though? That’s such a good meme—I always thought my parents had it all together, especially my mom. I just thought she knew everything. She had it figured out. It was, she had it dialed in, and she didn’t, and it’s wild to get here and realize, no. You don’t have it figured out. You are just doing the best you can, and hopefully with the help of God, friends, and wisdom, and all those things. But man, there’s more that I don’t know than I do know. That’s what I know.
Rachael Adams (12:41.756)
Yes, yes, I know that too. Well, I’m excited to talk more about marriage when we come back. We’re going to take a brief break, and when we come back, we will talk about how small choices can lead to big transformations in marriage.
Rachael Adams (13:09.438)
Welcome back. I’m talking with Chelsea Smith about her new book. I Do Today, a 52-week guide to the marriage you’ve been waiting for. So, Chelsea, I want to hear the beginning of your marriage story. How did you and Judah first meet? What was your love story? Like in the very beginning.
Chelsea Smith (13:25.188)
My gosh, we have the wildest love story. You’re not gonna believe it when I tell you people don’t. So our moms were friends when they were pregnant with us in the late 70s, with their giant floral dresses. And this is, know, pre-ultrasound days, where you had to find out the gender of your baby, but they would literally joke. They were in church together —friends who went to church —and they would literally joke.
Let’s have a boy and a girl, and they’ll get married someday. So we’ve known each other literally our whole lives. I’m three months older than him. For our entire lives, we have had two older sisters, and our families were always close friends who went on vacation together, but our older sisters, as older sisters do, just wanted to ditch us. So, like, when we were 10, 11, 12, we just ended up really as friends —I know that’s cheesy —but we had this connection from that age, and like 11, 12, we started liking each other, whatever that means, junior high. And then his family moved away from Portland to Seattle to start the church, which is now the church that we lead. And then, when we were in college, we reconnected, and it was just like that —just that friendship, that connection, was just there. So we started dating, and five months later we were engaged, and five months after that we were married. We were 21 babies when we got married, and that’s just been our story. It’s so unique and different, and I’m really grateful for it. Judah is my best friend. I respect him. I love him. I enjoy him. But it’s even more knowing, having the advantage of knowing him my whole life. It’s still a lot of work. So that is our love story, which, like the parents hope, happened —but it actually happened with us. So we’re grateful for it. Yeah.
Rachael Adams (15:00.412)
Yeah. Well, now that you’re a mom, do you have really close friends who are close to you? Is this happening again? Is this happening on repeat?
Chelsea Smith (15:07.766)
We have, you know, had some, but so far none of our kids have taken any of the bait we’ve tried to put out there for them. So we’ll see. They’re all single right now. None of us is dating. Boys are cute, good men. So just put some out there.
Rachael Adams (15:24.432)
Yes, yes. Well, okay. So I’m thankful that you’re honest: even though Judah is a great guy, respect him —your friends, like it’s a Hallmark movie —that’s what you just described, but every day probably isn’t that way. Right. And so I think just being honest that you can often look and compare your marriage to other people’s marriages and think, okay, well, why is it that?
Chelsea Smith (15:36.477)
It’s so funny.
Rachael Adams (15:48.723)
We’re not connecting, and those people look like they are or whatever. We’re struggling. The enemy so wants to attack marriages. And so this is so important because families really are an instrument that God can use for his kingdom in such mighty ways. So talk to us about your heart for marriage.
Chelsea Smith (16:19.662)
Such a good question. My heart for marriage really comes from the fact that not only did you and I have this hallmark love story, but we also both came from families with good marriages, like my parents, who have been married for 55 years. They still like each other. They still love each other.r My parents still go on a date every Friday night, even though they’re empty nesters who live by themselves. My husband’s parents were married for 40 years until his father passed away from cancer, and that is so rare in the world that we live in. With a divorce rate of 50%, the likelihood of that happening is so rare. Judah and I were given the incredible gift of seeing what marriage looks like day in, day out. And as we’ve gotten into ministry and life and having friends, I think we’ve had multiple people, I should try to count, but I would count wrong.
People tell us they didn’t realize a marriage like yours even existed until they saw you guys in your everyday life. To your point, the enemy tries; he does attack marriage, he hates it. It’s the earthly representation of the covenant that God has with his church. And it is highly attacked. It’s a beautiful image of God’s love, as it’s supposed to be. And so, of course, it’s going to be one of the most attacked entities on this earth that we live in. And one of the ways that that attack can come so easily from the enemy is, look at you, you’re having a tough Thursday afternoon. Your marriage isn’t right. Your spouse isn’t right. You’re doing something wrong. You’re wrong. He’s wrong. And if you didn’t get to see, when I say that Judah and I saw healthy marriages, we saw a healthy marriage, and I saw my parents fight. I saw them make up. I knew that when they went through difficult seasons, they had to fight for their friendship. I saw them go on vacation and leave my sister and me, and they had to have us in tears because we miss them, but I saw them choose each other. And look, we got to see the good, the bad, and the ugly of it. So we were prepared in a way that many people aren’t. And with I Do Today, I can give people a tool that will help them with the everyday of marriage. Seeing some of our stuff, hearing fights we got, fights that we got in, and struggles that we’ve had and how we’ve overcome them, and the differences in our personalities, and how we come together. That can be such a gift to give people —not for the book, which isn’t about this —but for the principles of marriage: the five love languages or love and respect. I think these are just incredible pillars for the big picture of marriage that I would recommend to anybody. But this is about the everyday life and decisions we make in our marriage, to really give us the tools to have the marriage we didn’t know we could have, or didn’t know we wanted, or didn’t even know existed. But I just want to say, the courage of human beings who blow me away have seen broken marriages, have had their hearts broken. Maybe they’ve had their heart broken in a first marriage, or they’ve had their heart broken through their parents’ divorce, or through heartbreak, and still have enough courage to take a stab at marriage anyway. I just think that is so incredible and courageous. And I wanna just support the courage of every person who has to attempt this endeavor called marriage, and do anything I can to say, “I think you’re doing better than you think you are.” And I think you can have a better marriage than you think you can have just through simple everyday practices. And it’s not as complicated as I think sometimes we’re told that it is.
Rachael Adams (20:03.12)
Okay, so that’s a good teaser. So give us a few everyday, practical things that can help strengthen your marriage that you could do, or that somebody listening could do, today.
Chelsea Smith (20:12.46)
Okay, I was thinking about this for you specifically because of the season of life that you’re in with that beginning of the emptiness season. And that is developing a habit and a hobby that you guys like to do together that is fun. And that is so overwhelming. We think we have to learn to knit, or we need to shoot, because my husband loves to golf. He has this fantasy of us getting older and golfing together, but Rachel. I have tried to swing a golf club, and I promise you, I just can’t make contact with the golf ball —it’s not an excuse. I can’t do it. And so Jude and I have developed this habit together that we used to play card games with friends, but then we just found it on our own. I literally carry a deck of cards in my purse with me all the time. And we have a card game that we like to play together. It’s called 313, and we were just on vacation together. And every afternoon we played cards and kept a tally. And that is, it sounds so silly. It doesn’t sound spiritual. It’s, think for some people like, well, that’s not, that’s not challenging enough. That’s not difficult enough. But what if you and your husband had a card game that you liked to play that you got competitive with, and it was something that you both enjoyed, and you wanted to beat each other? And it was something that you could do on those evenings when, when you’re kids aren’t home for dinner and you don’t have anything to do and you don’t want to, I mean, we always have things to do, you know what I mean? But you want to connect with your husband uniquely, and that’s, I think, something that sounds too easy. People don’t really believe that that could make an impact. But what if you had a card game that you and your husband enjoyed playing together? You can Google it, 313. It’s a card game; I learned it from my grandma, so it’s totally grandma. But maybe cards aren’t your thing —just a simple, simple hobby, an enjoyable thing you guys like to do together. It can absolutely make a difference and have an impact on your marriage. How’s that sound? Okay, yeah.
Rachael Adams (22:15.71)
It sounds easy. I’m going to Google it as soon as we learn to play. When we first get married, everything is so exciting and so new, and you just want to do everything together. And then if you’ve had children or just careers. It’s like a slow drift. It’s a slow fade. And if you’re not careful, it’s like, all of a sudden, it’s like, who are you? And you don’t like, I don’t even know you anymore. And, that’s like life gets busy, and so if we’re not really intentional every day, then that can happen more quickly than we think.
Chelsea Smith (22:51.84)
And nobody is to blame for that happening. Thank you for using the word ‘drift’. I think that is the perfect, most brilliant word, because life gets full—kids, schedules, rent, dinners, and all — before we know it. We’re just doing all of these things for life. But what I believe is the most fulfilling thing in our life, which should be our marriages, all of a sudden, that just gets back burner and it’s not a priority anymore, and nobody means to, but all of a sudden. Your marriage just doesn’t have that life and that spice. And another thing that can drift so easily is our sex life. And especially as women and moms, with seasons changing and hormones changing and all of the things. if we aren’t careful, it’s like, sex is just either something that we do or even worse, something that we don’t do but that we’re not excited about. it just that sex is such a beautiful gift that God has given to our marriage. But if we aren’t careful, it just becomes a ‘huh’ and drifts away. And I think that’s, it doesn’t have to be that way, but it does take, as you said, intentionality.
Rachael Adams (24:01.628)
Yeah. And nobody’s immune to it. I’ve written a whole book on love. We’ve been talking about love on this podcast for seven years, and it’s not just a feeling; some days you’re not going to feel it. It’s a choice, and it’s an action. So talk to us about that. Does that evoke any thought in you?
Chelsea Smith (25:10.344)
You could summarize the whole book as: yes, it is choosing your marriage every day. And the thing is, some days you wake up, 25 years of marriage, and there are moments when I look at Judah, and I still look at him, and I just think, I can’t believe I really get to be married to him. I love him so much. He’s the best man. And I just feel all of those feelings. And I choose without having to choose. It’s just there. And there are other days I wake up, it’s like, my gosh, okay, this is this morning. He left his things on the chair in my bathroom again, and I have to move them, and I am so annoyed about that. Then, if I can let that spiral and just be low-key annoyed at him all day. But that’s an opportunity to choose what my thoughts actually are about Judah going to be today: if they’re going to be low-level annoyed, picking out the negative things in him, nitpicking at him, annoyed at the things he didn’t do. I may not realize I’m choosing that, but our thoughts are a choice, and I am choosing not to build life into my marriage. I’m just choosing to be selfish and think about myself when I could, you know, think about, you know, what thoughts I want to think about, my, I don’t, yes, the clothes on the chair. Have you been there? Please tell me it’s not just me. But I can actually think all the good, lovely, and wonderful things about my husband today.
Rachael Adams (26:37.95)
Yes.
Chelsea Smith (26:48.174)
And it’s in those little things of choosing marriage every day. It’s not choosing marriage every day isn’t like, oh yeah, I prefer to say I do to you again today. Hopefully, that’s a given in a day. But what are we choosing in our thoughts? What are we choosing in our words? How are we communicating with the things in life and all of those choices that life has to make? Have you found yourself in a place where making those choices every day is something you still need to do in 20 years of marriage?
Rachael Adams (27:18.846)
Rachael Adams (31:01.854)
Yeah. Well, I can’t wait to continue this conversation, but we need to take another brief break. And when we come back, we are going to keep talking about Chelsea’s book. I Do Today, a 52-week guide to the marriage you’ve been waiting for.
Rachael Adams (31:21.122)
Welcome back. I’m talking with Chelsea Smith about her new book, I Do Today. And based on what you just said, have you and Judah done this book together? Like, is this tested? Like, have you tested this with some couples? I’d love to hear some of their testimonies, or even yours.
Chelsea Smith (31:40.438)
Yeah, right. Such a great question. We have tested it. It’s a compilation of 25 years of testing. And not just in ourselves, but one of the great things about our life and job and ministry is that we get to live our life with other people, and we get to see people in their best, at their hardest. And it has been tested and realized, you know —it’s wild getting the experience of standing with couples on their wedding day, and the joy and the love and the ‘I do’. And we’ve also had the experience of standing with couples, and they have decided to part ways.
Sitting with couples in which one partner is telling the other that they have been unfaithful. Standing with couples who are mourning the fact that they found out that they’ve never been able to have children. So sometimes we get the best and the worst, but realizing that it is those everyday decisions that have some couples make it through so many difficult things. They’re still in love with each other and trusting each other, while other couples have made it through difficult things and haven’t, or they’ve closed their hearts to each other. So we have had a lot of experience with many people journeying through life and marriage, and we feel so privileged to get to do that. And because of that, we’ve gotten to learn so much, and I’m grateful to share it. Because I have a philosophy of life, I can either learn things the easy way or the hard way. And the hard way is me having to go through it myself. The easy way is to listen to other people who have gone through it and learn from their mistakes or from what they’ve done right. And I’m just so passionate about helping people understand and do things the easy way, if you don’t have to do it the hard way.
Rachael Adams (33:28.008)
Well, I imagine Judah is too, because he allowed you to write this book, you know, and so there are a lot of stories that involve him, obviously. And so he’s fully supportive of this message and this ministry, too.
Chelsea Smith (33:39.99)
Yeah, no, actually, it’s just full payback for all of the sermons that he’s preached and told stories about me. And so, no, this is purely my opportunity for payback. Not really, but yes, he was fully supportive. But in our early marriage, we had a deal that he had to ask permission to tell a story. And then somehow he got away from that. So he’ll just be telling stories about me without asking for my permission. But it’s all good. I prefer people to see the hard, because they learn more from the hard than from the good. And, as you said, we do have many aspects of our story that are hallmarks, but there are aspects of our lives that aren’t. And that is way more relatable, and people can learn from those things as much, if not better.
Rachael Adams (34:24.658)
Well, I come from a divorced home, and I know even 30 years later, it’s still hard for my parents, my siblings, and me, for even my children. I’m not casting stones and casting judgment at all. I hope everybody hears my heart in that. But at the same time, the decisions we make in our marriage affect future generations, and it is so important. I encourage everyone listening to read books like this, to go to counseling, and to be with the Lord, allowing the Holy Spirit to empower you to do what you can’t do in your own strength. There’s so much worth and value in staying married if your marriage is in a safe place. I don’t know. Is there anything in that that you’d like to elaborate on?
Chelsea Smith (35:21.038)
I fully agree with your statement, and it’s so interesting what we give our time to in life. You know, we offer our time to take our kids to all their sporting activities. I am embarrassed by how much time I spend getting my hair done and sitting in the salon chair. We offer our time to that new Netflix show. It was amazing. But really thinking through. Judah and I have a saying in life: we want to be better at 70. That’s when we’re 70 years old, we want to be better followers of Jesus, better lovers of humanity, better spouses, even better parents. And yet thinking, okay, that’s what we want. Nobody, nobody sitting here living their life wants to have to say, I hurt my children through a divorce. I hurt future generations through the decisions that I made. Nobody wants that.
Yet we often find ourselves in that place because we may not have invested enough time in understanding what the real priorities in life are. And I agree with you that investing in our marriage is one of the best things we can do in our entire lives. And it can feel so hard on a Tuesday, but man, when you add all those Tuesdays up, all of a sudden you get to be 70, you’re in love with your spouse, and your children want to be with you. I can’t imagine you regretting not watching that Netflix show, or maybe not getting that manicure, or not, you know, all the things we could invest our time in. And that you say, but man, I really do still love and like my spouse. And that is the best investment that we can make.
Rachael Adams (37:09.212)
I’m just thinking about the woman who’s listening right now and is struggling in her marriage. And maybe she feels like I’ve married the wrong person, that this isn’t going to work, or that she’s even separated right now. I’m just mindful of all the different women and scenarios. What’s one thing that you could say to encourage her today?
Chelsea Smith (37:44.43)
I’d love the caveat that you gave that I just want to reinforce that if you were in an unsafe position, then you don’t have to stay, and God will take care of your children, he’ll take care of your future, that there is a time where God steps in as a husband and he steps in as a father. And he makes up that difference. And so if that’s the situation you’re in, then putting some trust and faith in God and letting him just come and be those things for you. But if you’re in a place where it’s just a struggle. I’m the author of a book that says how to help. My advice is to give up. Take a minute, don’t give up on your marriage, but give up the struggle and wait on God, letting God’s love fill you. The greatest: we can talk about love and marriage — that’s so beautiful —but there are times when we don’t have it in ourselves to give love. We just feel empty, raw, hurt. Life has done a number on us. And in that moment, I think the greatest thing you can do is sit and if you’re not watching I’m sitting here with my eyes closed and like just with my hands up in a position of receiving and receive the unconditional love of God and if you wonder if you ever have to wonder if he loves you you don’t have to look any further than the person of Jesus in the act of the cross that he loves you so much that he gave his life for you and if you were the only person on the planet Jesus still would have done that act of pain for you. And I really genuinely think in that moment, the most remarkable thing we can do is just sit and receive the love of Jesus and let his love fill us. And then from there, you can get up, move on, love yourself, and really, truly walk in a supernatural love for your spouse that I believe Jesus will give you in that moment. But it’s so counterintuitive. It’s not from trying. It actually just comes from receiving the incredible unconditional love of God, which is horrible because I wrote a book. I should say, go pick up my book and read it. But the most honest answer I can give is to bask in the love of Jesus and God. And I know that sounds so spiritual, it’s the best answer I could give. Because when I have been in my deep, struggling moments, that has been the most important thing for me.
Rachael Adams (40:33.31)
So good. Well, you’ve already talked about it a lot, which has been great, but every time I ask the same question as we start to come to a close. Is there a biblical concept of love that applies to this topic? So anything else that comes to mind?
Chelsea Smith (40:47.054)
The outcome of love is forgiveness. And since we already talked about the other love, the love of Jesus. When we are recipients of the forgiveness of Jesus, that active love on the cross was demonstrated through the Father: “Forgive them, they don’t know what they’re doing.” That forgiveness that Jesus gave. When we recognize how much he has forgiven us —that work of love, that aspect of love —is then, in turn, forgiving others who have hurt us: our spouse, our parents, our friends. And that is an incredible power of love that can bring beautiful transformation.
Rachael Adams (41:32.222)
Yeah, me too. Well, so Chelsea, tell us something you’re loving right now.
Chelsea Smith (41:37.864)
Besides my husband and my kids. I’m in seminary, taking a class on Romans, and there is a commentary by Michael Gorman —a theological and pastoral commentary. It is so good. And it’s more attainable than many commentaries. It’s not like fluffy self-help, but it wonderfully reveals Jesus. I’m halfway through, all books, you don’t agree with anything that you read, but it’s really, it’s a really, really powerful commentary on the book of Romans. So that’s what I’m loving.
Rachael Adams (42:28.446)
Okay, well, we’ll have to include that in the show notes. I’m interested. I love a good commentary. Well, I know I want to stay connected with you. I think listeners will want to, so tell us how we can best do that.
Chelsea Smith (42:31.852)
Instagram is Chelsea Smith, and our church community is Churchome, spelled all in one word. It kind of looks like Church Chrome, but it is Church Home, and that’s the easiest way to stay connected.
Rachael Adams (42:54.558)
Well, thank you. Today was an encouragement to me. I can’t wait to do this. I Do Today for 52 weeks with my husband. I’m so excited to do that with him. We don’t have to start till January 1st. We can start now, and that’s okay. But would you do us the honor of praying for us as we close?
Chelsea Smith (43:09.056)
Yeah, I love that. So good. I would love to. Jesus, I thank you so much that you are a real person and that you truly see us and you know us. And you were the person who, when you described us, said, “You know the hairs on our head,” which means you know every detail, you know every concern, you see every frustration. God, I do pray specifically for the person who feels like they’re struggling in their marriage and possibly feels like there’s no hope, there’s no way out, there’s nothing to do. Jesus, I pray that your love, your presence, your power would come and meet every one of those individuals right now, wherever they are, however they’re listening to this podcast. Jesus, flood them with your love, with your acceptance, with your forgiveness, with your joy, with your peace. And God, I pray that from that place, every person listening would find a strength and a power that they didn’t know existed because it’s not from them, it is from you. Jesus. Thank you for your presence. And God, I thank you for Rachel. Thank you for what she is endeavoring to do for her voice, for all the things that you have given her. And God, I pray that you would bless her. I pray that you would bless her voice. It would go out and bring hope, light, and love to the world. I thank you that her mission aligns with what you came for. God, I pray a supernatural blessing upon Rachel. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Rachael Adams (44:37.316)
Amen. Thank you so much, Chelsea.
Thank you so much for listening to the Love Offering podcast. I hope today’s conversation encouraged and inspired you to love God, love others, and even love yourself a little more. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend and leave a review. It helps others find the show and spreads the message of love even further. To connect with me, visit me on my website at rachelkadams.com. While you’re there, be sure to download the love offering calendar, a free resource filled with simple daily ways to love those around you. Don’t forget to pick up a copy of my book, Everyday Prayers for Love, and Chelsea’s book, I Do Today: A 52-week guide to the marriage you’ve been waiting for. A special thank you to Life Audio for supporting this podcast and making it possible. To find more great podcasts, visit LifeAudio.com. Thanks again for joining us today. Until next time, let’s make our lives an offering of love.
