There are times I question if I have anything to offer God or his people. When I view others doing amazing things in service to the Lord, I can get to feeling inadequate and unnecessary. I look at my doubts and insecurities and think, what could I offer?
Two friends and I meet regularly to journal together. In this form of written practice, we record what God hears us saying to ourselves and the thoughts that occupy our minds, which we normally would not speak aloud. Essentially, we are writing down what our inside voice is saying, and then we read it to each other.
This admission of our most broken parts is hard. We let each other hear the harsh words we spoke to our husband that day, the things we obsess about, or our judgemental attitude toward our coworkers. We are being seen warts and all. And the beautiful thing is, we don’t fix each other, we listen and make space for the hard parts in each other’s story. We listen and look for how God is working in their life. We see ourselves reflected back in the words we have penned. No matter what we reveal about ourselves, we end up experiencing the love of God for us in all the broken and hurting parts. Through our shared weaknesses, we find strength and support.
We sometimes forget that God has extended this promise to us,
He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (II Corin. 12:9)
Too often, we think people only want the strong version of us. The truth is God actually expects weakness, he knows we will fail and get weary, and he promises his presence in the middle of all we tend to reject.
I was trained by the stories of overcoming and victory, and I came to believe these were the ones that mattered – the only ones people wanted to hear. But when it came to my times of struggle as a mom, questions about faith, and dealing with loss, I needed a different story. As author K.J. Ramsey says, I didn’t need another before, and after story, I needed grace for the middle of my story. *
I wonder if you do too?
I need to hear the stories of struggle and barely putting one foot in front of the other. I need to hear of the mess in the middle where God is still present. The story of the prophet Elijah running away and hiding in fear does more to encourage me than others in times of hardship.
Accounts of the “with-ness” of God in the places we feel weakest and shattered are the stories that speak most profoundly in these times.
I need your vulnerability, unfiltered emotions, and unfinished stories so I know I am not alone. Your true and unvarnished accounts of struggle remind me that a life of faith often looks like failure, and we are in this together.
Our vulnerability is the gift of solidarity we offer to one another. I wonder if you hesitate to share your experiences because you haven’t reached the point where all the messy threads are tucked in and tied off. I encourage you to take a risk and share from your heart – it may be exactly what your friend needs to hear.
* (Ramsey, K. J. 2019. This Too Shall Last. 1st ed. Zondervan, pg. 17.)
About the Author:
Sue Fulmore is a freelance writer and speaker seeking to live an examined life. She pursues beauty on the regular, believing it soothes and sustains us, and points us toward the Creator of all. She seeks to point others toward a more examined life and a deeper connection to God through her writing. Sue currently shares an empty nest with her retired husband of 37 years in a small town in Alberta, Canada. Sue is the proud long-distance mom of two adult daughters, and is still learning to navigate this stage. She tends her garden in the summer and indoor plant babies year-round. Sue prefers tea over coffee, baking to cooking, and will always find new ways to express her creativity.
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