I seem to miss encouraging words and deeds when I’m stuck in a season of perpetual disappointments. It’s as though my head becomes stuck in the sand of discouragement, and nothing anyone says or does can get my head unstuck. Sometimes I wonder if it’s because I want to remain in that ostrich-like pose. After all, it is comfortable, safe, familiar. Other times, I think it’s because no matter what encouraging words or deeds others say to me, it never ends up being enough to stem the pain disappointments bring.
Enough. That seems to be the keyword.
Why is it that disappointments seem to exasperate the enough-ness factor for everything? Not only do they seem to affect how I see myself as not enough, but they seem to affect how I see others and what they do or say as never being enough. I end up living in a mentality that my life is surrounded by immutable lack.
So, how do I get out of it?
How do I remove my head from the hole I’ve dug and allow truth to set in?
I believe the first step is to admit it, name it, say it for what it is.
“I am disappointed.”
“Nothing I say or do seems to be enough.”
“Nothing anyone else says or does seems to be enough.”
The second step is to realize how this downward spiral affects our outlook. How we see the world. How we see ourselves. How we see God.
Thirdly, a breath prayer comes from 2 Corinthians 12:9, which says, “My grace is enough for you.” My hope is that when I find myself stuck in this mentality of lack, as I recite, re-recite, and re-re-recite these words, they will sink down into the depths of my soul and eventually teach me to be able to rest and trust in the enough-ness that God is good even in the midst of disappointing seasons. That God sees me as enough amid self-doubt and self-condemnation. That God alone fulfills my desires to be loved, seen, and known when I cannot find it in others.
It is when I’m able to rest and trust in God’s enough-ness that is when I can see myself and others as human beings who are created in the very image of God. This is when I will finally be able to love myself and others best.
Connect with Jennie:
Jennie lives in Southern California with her husband and four children. She loves to travel, write poetry, and be by the water. She received a certificate of the Bible through Torchbearers Bible School, attended Hope International University for her undergrad, received a certificate in Spiritual Formation through the Apprentice Experience at Friends University, and will be receiving her Masters in Pastoral Studies in May of 2021. She has written Soul Cries: A Book of Poems, Soul Cries: A Journal, and her newest book is Shaping the Soul: An Artist Collective. She owns and manages www.jenniedenney.com, where she writes a weekly blog with stories, practices, and lessons she is learning to help her readers know they are not alone in their own becoming and encouraging them to connect with God.
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