I look through a Pikachu birthday banner, beyond the Christmas tree adorned with a smorgasbord of kid-crafted and delicate ornaments, and see the built-in entertainment center spanning from wall to wall of our living room. It’s still unfinished. There’s shiplap barn doors to build, wreaths to buy, and chalk-paint to cover the full lower half.
A few weeks ago, while on vacation with my family, my husband and I were trying to explain the colloquial moniker, “hell, fire and brimstone preacher”—a common type of preacher during my childhood. (You can probably guess I’m in the 40+ age bracket) The explanation prompted a discussion with my kids about the gospel and the way in which it is shared.
As I sit in my chair with my morning coffee and ask the Lord what to write about, I start to feel a little overwhelmed. “Lord,” I pray, “I just feel weary and spent. I don’t know what to write about; I don’t know what I have to give right now.” I wait. I start to wonder if I should come back later when I’ve had a little more sleep and maybe something more to offer. But as I’m about to set my computer aside, I feel the Lord nudge me. His still, small voice speaks to my heart: “No, write now. Write out of that place of weariness and emptiness because it’s not about you, it’s about Me. If you wait until you feel you have something to give, you will be so focused on giving your words. If you write when you have nothing to give, My words can better shine through.”
So many of us are plagued by the “I’m nots” and paralyzed by the “I can’ts,” and as long as we maintain a perspective focused only on our natural ability, we limit the potential we have based on God’s supernatural ability. The truth is, we are not enough. We never will be. We will never be smart enough, skinny enough, young enough, old enough, mature enough, relatable enough,… you get the picture… this lists of “not enoughs” is more than enough to keep us focused on our own stuff.
When I suddenly and unexpectedly lost my sight at age 20, I felt hopeless and alone. Despite having a wonderful family who has stood by my side, I still could not shake the sense of isolation and that because of my new circumstances and the anger it brought, I was unlovable.