We don’t always get to choose the people we encounter. They often don’t look like us, speak the same language, or have the same opinions. However, we can understand the level of connections, navigate the depth of each, and continue to build community.
Friend, let me tell you – Nobody prepares you for this season. No matter how many times you hear that the high school years will be a blip on the radar, I had no real understanding of how fast these years would fly by, let alone how excruciatingly difficult they would be. Nobody warned me how my momma’s heart would be pulled and stretched in ways I never thought imaginable. How I would want to freeze time yet beg for it to hurry up. How a tender moment could take my breath away, but a simple choice could shatter our family’s world into a million pieces. Oh, how I questioned my worth as a mom and began to doubt my parenting capabilities.
Normally, I would have waited to pray until after I nestled into my favorite chair with my Bible in my lap and tasted my first sip of coffee. However, this time, the urge to discover the relevance of my dream was too strong to ignore. The dream itself was nothing out of the ordinary. I was standing outside, taking in the beauty of nature. As I looked around, I saw a green pasture with fluffy white sheep nestled in its grasses. Overseeing them were a few shepherds, carefully tending to their flocks. As I looked on, I sensed God had other sheep in mind who needed to feel as safe as these did under their attentive watch.
I used to believe the lie that I had to have everything together before I was capable of helping others. As a teen, this wasn’t a huge issue. Hosting events, volunteering, and serving were synonymous with my last name. I didn’t realize how broken, fragmented, and crazy my life would get over the next decade. By the time I graduated college, I felt utterly worthless. Getting diagnosed with 10+ mental and physical health conditions right out of school will do that to you. I’d always grown up around chaos and anxiety, but now the turmoil was within.
As I listened to her words, I couldn’t help but empathize. A widow myself, I know the feeling of helplessness that accompanies the loss of a loved one. It’s a devastating blow that leaves us searching for answers, desperately pleading with God to make sense of the nonsensical. Observing Kai’s mounting frustration transported me back to the days of my grief and confusion following the unexpected and inexplicable passing of my husband in 2011. Despite the limited time remaining in the event, I felt compelled to offer her my perspective.