I am convinced that neither death nor life,
neither angels nor demons, neither the present
nor the future, nor any powers, neither height
nor depth, nor anything else in all creation,
will be able to separate us from the love of
God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
— ROMANS 8:38– 39
When I first became a mother, I pushed against the notion that having a baby would change my friendships. Although people say everything changes when you have a child, I figured I could at least control how I showed up in my friendships. Unfortunately (as you might have guessed), this effort to stay as connected as I had been before kids left me feeling very exhausted, unseen, and defeated. Nobody seemed to understand what I was walking through, nor did they see my struggle to keep up with the façade that nothing would ever change our friendships. As I soon learned, my plan lacked faith that my friends would be loyal to me no matter what season of life I was walking through.
Shifts in our personal lives can often be perceived as threats to our friendships. Naturally, we don’t want a disruption to alter the status quo, even if it’s a good thing like a new relationship, a new job, a new school, or a new friend. But change is a natural part of life, and we need to be ready for it. We may not be able to stop the change, but we can decide ahead of time how we will react to the change. The reaction to the change will often prove whether the friendship will survive the shift or not.
When you’re afraid of change, you will do everything possible to fight against it. Sometimes this avoidance leads to alienating yourself from the new milestone in your friend’s life or pretending her new relationship doesn’t exist, or even disparaging the new health journey she is on. As a result, you might miss an opportunity to meet that friend where she is in her new season. The alternative is to respond with curiosity and to look for new ways to connect with your friends despite the changes.
If you’re the one going through a change, you want friends who can withstand any unforeseen obstacles and remain willing to work through the shifts with you. This kind of sisterly love is not easily separated or broken. Having walked through a variety of transitions myself and with my community, I know how to navigate changes a bit better. I no longer need to pretend that things haven’t changed between me and my friends. Instead, I communicate how changes might affect our relationship so that there are no surprises or hurt feelings when the friendship feels different. I also recognize that the growing pains tend to be temporary. And when the transition “earthquakes” are over, my friends and I can discover new ways to connect.
When we have the creative freedom to approach our friendships in new ways, we are better equipped to prolong the life of our friendships. The world might encourage us to walk away from friendships that become too difficult to manage, but the family of God sticks together. We model a lifelong care for our friends because, despite any changes, we will always have Jesus at the center. Everything else outside our control might change, but our shared faith will stand firm. So bring on the transitions, because you’re ready for them!
An Excerpt from The Friendship Devotional
{If you enjoyed this blog post, you might also like this episode of The Love Offering Podcast, where Rachael chats with Natalie Runion about her new book, I Don’t Even Like Women. In it, Natalie flips the script on the narratives that keep us divided and reminds us that God designed friendships with other women to be life-giving, healing, and deeply purposeful. You can listen to the episode here.}
About the Author:
Bailey T. Hurley is the author of Together is a Beautiful Place and she helps busy women navigate friendship through the lens of God’s Word and good research. When she’s not talking about friendship, you’ll find her with her at a playground with her three kids or reading a book with some tea.
