I was a little over a month away from my wedding when I was in my therapist’s office. I was telling her how disappointed I was in my relationship with my fiancé. She told me that it wasn’t going to get better because we got married. That’s when the light bulb went off in my head, and I knew what I had to do. I called off the wedding. Invites had already been sent out, but marrying that man probably would have ended in divorce because I was already so unhappy. I wanted to get married too badly & too quickly. I was a Licensed Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, providing marriage counseling for couples, and it felt weird not being married. I hadn’t found the right man for me. We both had lower self-esteem back then; that’s part of how we ended up together. I didn’t love myself well enough yet. I wasn’t filling up with God’s love enough.
I believed a lie that I was quiet, like my fiancé was. The truth I discovered was that I was not as quiet as him. I learned that I like to talk and will respond to others when they talk to me. I just didn’t feel comfortable around him to open up and be myself fully. It is so important to be yourself when you are in a relationship with someone. You want to be coming alive, not feeling quiet. I thought I was an introvert like he was, but I learned I am definitely not as introverted as he was. I actually have learned over the years that I have a slight preference for extraversion.
Breaking up with him led me on a journey of loving myself more. I continued with my therapist for over a year. I read the book You’re Already Amazing by Holley Gerth and was able to see the positive ways that God had created me. I was an amazing catch. Believing that is part of what led me to my amazing husband. I kept going to my church and feeling God’s love through the people around me & through worship. I had mentors who I would meet with who loved me. I was on the prayer team at church so I could love others by praying for them. I had roommates who showed me God’s love. I had friends showing me God’s love.
I was being filled up by God’s love and other people’s love. These factors helped me to love myself. I learned that it was okay to be me. It was “very good” (Genesis 1:31) to be me. God wanted me to be me because I’m the only me. He put me on this earth to be the person he created me to be.
It was from this place of healing that I met my husband a year later, who is a much better fit for me. He makes me feel loved, and he’s a great husband and father. Had I pushed ahead with what I thought was best at the time, I would have missed out on God’s best plan for my life.
This is why I’m so passionate about helping young women discover healing. I want to encourage women to be healthy so they can attract a healthy spouse. Being married is a beautiful gift, and I want every woman to understand it is OK to wait for the person who’s the best fit for them, in particular those who want to be, or are on, the path towards marriage.
I am able to serve these women as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who sees clients ages 13 and up in-person and/or online. Along with helping others ensure they’re marrying well, I support people in developing their self-esteem and addressing other mental health issues like anxiety/depression. This ministry has also opened doors for me to share this message with tweens, teenagers, and young adults, those suffering from domestic abuse, and those seeking premarital counseling.
It is my greatest desire to encourage and affirm women. To remind each one, “You’re already amazing!” God made you a beautiful masterpiece, and you deserve to be loved. “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2:10 (NLT)
Have you found yourself settling for what is right in front of you rather than patiently waiting for God’s best? Have you considered that the plans you have for your life might be different from what the Lord has planned for you?
{If you enjoyed this blog post, you might also like this episode of The Love Offering Podcast, where Rachael chats with Jaime Jamgochian about how surrendering to God leads to peace and joy, trusting God’s timing builds our faith, and gratitude can shift our perspective and restore hope. Together they talk about how waiting isn’t wasted when we’re waiting with God. You can listen to the episode here.}
About the Author:
Becca is a child of God, wife, girl mom, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and writer living in the Midwest of the United States. She loves reading, writing and palm trees. Becca is working on a God-given dream of writing a book. She’s passionate about helping individuals be healthy, so marriages can be healthy, so children can be healthy, and the cycle can repeat itself.
