A few days before my 27th birthday I chose to take a leap of faith and move away from my family. I moved from Illinois to Arizona with no car, just two suitcases, and no friends or family. I was so scared, but at the same time finally felt like it was time. I had moved a few times before but always came back. I have been guilty many times of avoiding or backtracking when anything was out of my comfort zone. Moving away from my family was definitely out of my comfort zone.
I have come to realize that my entire life I have been living in the past. For example, as I said before I had moved many times, but I would always go back. In my mind, moving to Arizona was only going to last for so long. I moved more times than my age so why not move again? Unfortunately, I tend to focus on the negative as a way to protect or prepare myself for the worse. God has blessed me in so many ways, yet I still have a fear that things will go or happen the way they used to.
When I got my first apartment I refused to put anything on the wall or unpack because I wanted to be prepared if I had to move out for any reason. Truthfully I was hoping air didn’t have to sign a lease so I could be free to go anytime I felt the urge to move again. After a while, I started to buy furniture and make it a home. Funny thing is I just convinced myself that I would just sell everything if I wanted to move again. This is yet another way I was living in the past. Now obviously it wasn’t the past at the time, but mentally I was trapped there.
I remember my brother in Christ tried to introduce me to my now husband and I couldn’t bring myself to meet him. One of the reasons being that I didn’t want to have my heart broken again. I always felt like people loved me as long as I could do something for them. I never really felt like people understood me or truly loved me. With that being said, I was afraid I would be hurt just like in the past. Eventually, I went on a date with my now husband (took a lot of convincing from friends) and he is what I prayed for in a husband. He cares for me and loves me no matter what. I feel seen and heard by him.
I said all this to say God prepared me for this moment. I spent years allowing my past to take control of my future. I realized that God had a plan the entire time. He made me wait so that I could be prepared for everything that I have now. Had I continued to let the past rule my life I would never have moved in the direction that God wanted me to. The Bible says “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.” “See, I am doing a new thing!
Isaiah 43:18-19 NIV. I will be honest, the past creeps in every now and again, but I am holding on to my mustard seed of faith. The word says “Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you.” Proverbs 4:25 NIV. So Lord, I ask that you help me to focus on the future and let go of the past. Please help me to no longer live in fear and know that with Christ all things are possible. Let it be more than just something I say easily, but a true belief. I ask this in Jesus’ name. Amen!
About the Author:
My name is Micaiah Howard. I am a mother to a beautifully handsome baby boy named Micah. I am a wife, an educator, and Christ follower. Just trying to take one step at a time and avoid so many backward steps.
Connect with Micaiah:
https://instagram.com/humblenlovely
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